What Happens When You Press Charges For Domestic Violence South Africa

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Happens When You Press Charges For Domestic Violence in South Africa . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

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What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Abuse Counseling Near Me . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

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Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

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Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence Examples .

What Happens When You Press Charges For Domestic Violence in South Africa ?

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Women and men both commit, and are victims of, crimes but are their perspectives, understandings and interpretations of crime (either as victim or perpetrator likely to be different)? How and why - or even if - is a matter of debate; theorising on these matters is difficult depending on the perspective of the researcher.

Men and women also commit violence but their motivations are likely to be different; men may do so to assert their dominance over a situation, a territory, or person; to ensure that their masculinity is not in doubt. Women may do so in defence of their children, themselves, family, friends and perhaps even their property. However, if women are becoming as violent as men for the same reasons as men, does this mean we are moving in a direction which is irreversible? Would such a trend, if it truly existed, necessarily be a perilous one? More importantly, why does the notion of women becoming violent (or becoming more violent) cause such consternation in society whilst violence by, and towards, men is accepted as part of their masculinity?

Women are statistically less likely to commit crimes, particularly crimes of violence; however, numbers of women being arrested, cautioned and imprisoned for violent offences are rising. Media reports and government statistics all appear to show that women are increasingly involved in crime, particularly violent crime. In England and Wales, the number of females in custody was 4,445 (24 November 2006) with the highest number being attributed to drugs offences whilst violence was second. In Scotland, the figure was 326 (24 November 2006), though ambiguous as it does not specify the gender of (i) 'lifers' who have been recalled (ii) those convicted but awaiting sentence/deportation (iii) those under sixteen years of age. Williams states that, in a nine year period, there was a rise of 140% for female offenders incarcerated (1993-2001) despite the fact that offending rates remained relatively stable. In the United States, figures show that although incarceration rates were rising, violent offences by women were going in the opposite direction; women's involvement in violent offences showed a minimal rise (from 10.8% to 12.3%). This may, however, be reflective of changes in recording, prosecuting and incarcerating female offenders rather than any actual increase in the rate of female offending itself.

Violence is often fuelled by substance abuse, via alcohol or drugs or both and this is the case both for men and women. Males perpetrate the highest numbers of crimes, violent or otherwise, and they also account for the highest number of victims of violent assaults; women, however, as perpetrators of violent crimes in particular are on the however women are apparently working hard to catch up. Certainly, the media portrays young women as being 'as bad as boys' when it comes to violence, particularly when fuelled by alcohol; city centres across the UK have a large problem with violence but this is possibly due to an increasing culture of binge-drinking. Indeed, as recently as December 2006, reports of violence fuelled by alcohol were in the news again; this time, however, the focus was not the violence as such, but that the perpetrators of the violence were female.

A BBC article quotes Dr Jon Cole of Liverpool University who believes that, whilst it does not cause aggression, alcohol stops sensible choices being made "You make the easiest choice, which is often aggression". The same article refers to a study by The Glasgow Centre for the Study of Violence which showed that women were involved in almost half of all the pub fights observed. Further, medical research shows that testosterone levels in women rise by fifty percent in females, but is lower in males when they become drunk.

Violence however is a term which can be interpreted in many ways: one particular study shows females' understanding and interpretation of violence is unusual (see Burman below). There are accepted definitions of violence or aggression: crime is "an action which constitutes a serious offence against an individual or...state..."; violence: "behaviour involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill; strength of emotion or of a destructive natural force". Aggression: "hostile or violent behaviour or attitudes; the act of attacking without provocation...".

In the study undertaken by Burman et al, verbal abuse and the spreading of rumours was seen as 'violent' or more aggressive than physical violence (such as being punched). If verbal, rather than physical, violence causes more concern girls, should we take this as an indication that girls consider violence to be a psychological rather than physical problem? Why do some girls have a greater fear of violence which is spoken whilst most people, and particularly boys, are more inclined to class violence as a physical assault?

Fear of violence is often more potent as it is the 'unknown'; the precise time and place of being the recipient of violence is unknown with domestic violence victims, but they are kept on alert because they know it is going to occur at some point. However, from a legal point of view, violence and violent crime, is where physical injury is inflicted and only in recent years was psychological trauma accepted as a 'violent offence' (see Protection from Harassment Act 1997).

Given the low numbers of women who offend, both historically and in recent times, it is unsurprising that studies into female criminality were either ignored or undertaken in relation to their interaction with, and response to, male violence and criminality. It is also unsurprising that female criminologists found the need to fill this gap. In the past, women were classified into two types: mad or bad. Most female offenders convicted of violent crimes were seen as women who fought back against domestic violence or who protected their children; others were considered 'evil' and historically, were considered witches or concubines of the devil. We may now have a better understanding of criminality, but this has not stopped the 'bad' or 'mad' viewpoint from being represented by the media, the public and in some quarters of the criminal justice system when females are involved.

Women are viewed as more deviant than their male counterparts as they have not only offended against the criminal code but also against social convention. Whereas social rules and convention have changed over time, women are still considered to be mothers, wives, lovers and workers but not offenders; rarely do we expect women to commit violent offences. Those who do are vilified for years possibly serving longer terms than male counterparts, particularly when they offend against those they are supposed to protect.

Myra Hindley and Beverley Allit both murdered children; Allit did so as a nurse so could be again seen as doubly deviant as her occupation - as well as her gendered role - was one of carer.
It is difficult of course to do a proper comparative analysis without knowing the details of the 'violence against the person' offences committed by both men and women. There are a number of 'assaults' committed by women which may well not have been prosecuted had they been committed by men; it is impossible to say without knowing more about both the offence and the offender (regardless of gender). Obtaining goods for sale (to provide money to pay bills/food) or obtaining goods - such as shoplifting food/clothing is more common among female offenders than males. Analysis of current statistics shows that the highest number of female offenders committed 'drugs offences' with the second highest being for 'violence against the person' followed by 'theft and handling'. For many, women who commit violence do so mainly in self-defence or protection of a child; females are not seen as inherently violent. But is this perception false or misleading?

Most studies of the culture and phenomenon of gangs tend to focus on males (though some do mention 'girl gangs' or girls in gangs as a peripheral but distinctly intricate part of a predominantly male gang). However, a problem arises which is twofold: firstly and perhaps obviously, not all female offenders - violent or otherwise - are in gangs. Secondly, there is a danger that the study will produce results more likely to provide an insight into gang culture rather than any comparative study of female and male criminality.
Current statistics show the highest number of female offenders committed 'drugs offences' with the second highest for 'violence against the person' followed by 'theft and handling'. For many, women who commit violence do so mainly in self-defence or protection of a child; females are not seen as inherently violent. But is this perception false?

One of the possible reasons behind women committing fewer 'serious' offences could be their role as mother/carer. Given that a large proportion of children are either brought up by single mothers or by mothers due to fathers working longer hours (or being the sole breadwinner) women generally have the main, if not sole, responsibility for child rearing. Therefore, the ability for women commit crimes - unless they left their children elsewhere, or were childless - was severely restricted. The risk of being caught and sent to prison - and violent offences generally attract higher tariffs - meant that any benefit of committing a crime seemed unattractive. Of course, this assumes that women who commit offences chose to do so for pragmatic/rational reasons; classicists will be jumping for joy!

In terms of victimisation, women are largely accountable for rape or other sexual assaults but even here the amount of disproportionate statistical analysis is difficult given that male rape and male sexual assault is under-reported and (in some countries) legally ignored. Stigma attached to victims of sexual assault is horrendous for female victims but this is more so when victims are male. This is largely due to men being perceived as (i) the aggressors or (ii) physically able to fight off an assault.

In England and Wales, legislation is quite specific in terms of the crime of rape in that a penis must be inserted into either a vagina or the anal passage (or mouth); so whilst a victim may be either male or female, the perpetrator must be male. In Scots law, the act of rape can only be committed by a man on a woman; male on male sexual assault is just that - sexual/indecent assault but not rape. Where victim and perpetrator are one and the same (e.g. an abused wife retaliates against her husband) there are inconsistencies between the genders. According to CEDAW, women are more likely to 'to be killed than to kill' but the legal system discriminates; women who kill their [often abusive] husbands are convicted of murder whilst men who kill their wives are convicted of manslaughter. Thus, if convicted of murder which women are, the only sentence available is life; even when convicted of murder, men and women are still treated differently with tariffs higher for women than men.

Male perpetrators may be more selfish in their approach to crimes; committing offences which are directly of benefit and which give an immediate sense of gain. In violence, men use violence as a first, rather than last resort, as it on two levels it gets them what they want: the first is the object of their attention, the second is status and self-belief in their own ability. Violence for many men seems to be a way to [re]assert their masculinity. Violence committed by women - on the whole - appears to be a last resort; there was no other way to get either in or out of a situation and thus violence was used.
Of course, there are criminal couples: men and women who work together - though not necessarily in harmony - to make financial and other gains. Prostitutes have for many years used (and been used by) male pimps. The men offer protection, security from harassment whether this is from other working women, volatile clients and other pimps who want to 'muscle in' on the money earned by the prostitute.

The pimp will use violence as a means of asserting his status has being in control of both the woman and the environment within which they work. Of course, the prostitute herself is committing a criminal offence in soliciting on the street and may herself use violence against her client and other working women. The implied consent that women give to men who pimp them is that violence is acceptable: they will not want nor like the violence used against them but most accept it as part of their lives and also want the volatility of the pimp to be known to others as a way of protecting themselves from other females and clients.

Theorising about the motivations which drive offenders, male and female, tends to mean that we encapsulate whole groups of people by defining them on the basis of individual psycho-social profiles. This may be applicable for instances where groups commit crimes on a large scale, over periods of time, such as ethnic cleansing (which often entails the mass slaughter of males and systematic rape and impregnation of females - as seen in Bosnia for example).

Of course, systematic rape of females - and occasionally males - is a form of violence often used by groups of individuals sanctioned by the state (as seen in war situations) and also individuals in a domestic setting (the husband who forces his wife, girlfriend, etc.) and sexual violence is almost unique in that women - particularly in Scots' Law - are not convicted of rape. There are cases where accomplice of facilitation of rape is conducted by a female against another female but these tend to be rare. One example would be the sexual abuse of young women by Fred West who raped and abused women with his wife; even here, however, the case showed that Fred West has systematically abused his wife and thus she may have complied and committed these acts to reduce her own victimisation.

Crime in general, whether violent or otherwise, may be more easily identifiable as a male characteristic in society rather than female simply because of historical social conventions. Women had to care for their homes and families; opportunities for women to offend were minimal in that they had limited access to places which would allow them to commit crimes. Men, on the other hand, were often the workers, the drinkers, the socialisers (women entertained their friends, but this was often in homes rather than public houses, etc.) and thus opportunity was greater for them. If nothing else, in historical times, the clothing a woman wore would make burglary (e.g. entering a house via a window and then removing goods) quite difficult though perhaps not impossible! Even in more recent times, women were seen to steal for 'good' rather than 'bad' reasons: they stole food from supermarkets rather than goods to be sold for hard cash.

Those who were caught may cry and reduce themselves to the 'helpless desperate female' and an invariably male security guard or store manager, may find himself torn between chivalry or sympathy towards the woman and his job. If a man was caught in the same act of theft, it is possible that (if denial did not work) then aggression would result in a negative reaction from staff and thus prosecutions of males were more likely.

Given that males generally appear to be more confrontational - and this may be anthropological in origin - whereas woman appear to take the path of least resistance, it is possible that perpetrators of crimes (particularly non-violent crimes) are likely to find that their gender reflects their culpability in the eyes of the law and any enforcement officers.

Over the last few years, and in particular in relation to younger offenders, females are less likely to be able to use their gender to escape punishment (though there may be some instances were this still applies, for instance speeding in cars). Whereas historically women might have been viewed as immoral, but not necessarily criminal, recent years have seen a shift so that they are not only immoral but most definitely criminal and thus should be treated equally by the criminal justice system. Inevitably, however, the public will view the criminal female as more criminal or more deviant than her male counterpart.

Women may also have a more pragmatic approach to criminal activity, violent or otherwise. It might be that they are more careful about exposing themselves to temptation for certain crimes (such as theft, fraud, etc.) or are so careful that they may go undetected. Men may well approach crime with a more arrogant attitude and feel their ability to escape detection is greater than male or female counterparts.
What theories therefore can be applied, if any whether partially or wholly, to violence and the men and the women who use it? It is difficult to state which 'criminological theory' can actually be applied completely to criminality without being considered either aligned to one discourse or another even if the intention is to avoid this. It may be impossible to apply the same theories of criminality for men and women given that attempts thus far have failed to provide any conclusive answer into the causation of criminality in female or male crimes.

The problem with analysing the comparison between male and female offenders is that whilst their motives might appear different, this is not necessarily the case. Influences such as biology, psychology, economic and education as well as society in general will have an impact on each individual's behaviour and their understanding of what is acceptable. Violence is so often used as a means for dispute resolution - particularly in the younger generation - that we may be on an irreversible path.

As seems common within criminology, in order to explain criminality, attempts are made to encompass causation with one particular ideal or theory; it is due to this attempt to treat theories as mutually exclusive which results in failure.

Women are different in terms of their responses to crime and in particular violence, their use of violence against others and their understanding of violence and crime in general. Women have been dominated for so long and now they choose to fight back, they are regarded as more dangerous. They are altering perceptions held over a long period of time; that is not to say women will turn into Amazonian women ready to dominate the world and make men submissive creatures! However, if we - as women - want equality, it seems we have to fight twice as hard (even if that fight turns physical).

The criminal justice system now deals with far more women offenders than previous decades, but this is also likely to be in part attributable to the medicalisation of female offenders in the past. Now that this is no longer the case, women are identified as criminal not [mentally] ill and thus greater numbers are being included in criminal offending statistics. Greater reporting to the police, due to insurance requirements among other things, means that whereas those offences which may have been overlooked for being petty no longer are treated as inconsequential.

Whether one looks at the lack of implementation of equality for women, or whether men's masculinity is eroded by women's empowerment, whether abuse victims abuse others so they can gain control and power over another, many individuals commit crimes for reasons understood only by them - and perhaps not even then. Theories of crime, causation and criminality will be at ever increasing odds as elements of classicism, positivism, strain theory or a 'pick-and-mix' approach to all three are rejuvenated depending on the year or decade.

Advances in sciences (natural and social) may also play a part in the future of how criminality is considered; genetic or even social predisposition for criminality is not something which is seen on the movie screen, it is a reality which will be hitting us very soon if indeed it has not already done so.
Indeed, September 2006 saw the Labour Government publish their plans to improve families' potential for achievement by the possible local or even governmental intervention for 'problem families'. Critics were reported as fearing that the Government was entering the dangerous field of eugenics (so fatally but effectively seen during the Holocaust) or by creating ASBOs for children who were yet to be born on the basis of their parents' socio-economic status.

Where does this leave the field of criminology? Governments may look to criminologists and other social scientists to address the question of crime and criminality and causes thereof but they may give limited terms of reference for research projects.

Criminology seeks to provide a definitive, exact answer to an inexact and (at times) inexplicable question: why do people (whether male or female) commit crime? Perhaps this is its failure and why, despite a growth of writers on the matter, nobody has arrived at an answer (which I argue is not possible in any event). Sociological, economical, psychological and biological factors all have to be considered and taken into account when dealing with any offender, male or female. Many treat criminal causation theories as mutually exclusive.

Criminological theory - even when considering all the elements therein - seeks to find a definitive answer where it is likely that none exist. Lack of a definitive answer, however, does not necessarily mean criminology has failed; it needs to evolve again. Perhaps for criminological theory, answers to questions are as fluid as the times in which they are considered. Evolution of criminology and the theories therein mean criminologists will have to choose the most logical and pragmatic elements, and discard elements which are obviously flawed (whether in whole or in part). This may be the way forward.

Word Count: 3613

Bibliography
"Textbook on Criminology" Fifth Edition. Williams, K: Published by Oxford University Press: 2004
"Race, Gender & Class in Criminology: The Intersections". Edited by Milovanovic D & Schwartz M D Published by Garland Publishing in 1996. Chapter 7: "Sentencing Women to Prison" by Chesney-Lind, M

Concise Oxford English Dictionary: 11th Ed. Revised. Oxford University Press (2006).
"'Taking It To Heart': Girls and the meanings of violence.' The Meanings of Violence" Burman, M, Brown, J & Batchelor, S. Published by Routledge in 2003.

England & Wales Official Prison Statistics: HM Prison Service: October 2006 Official Population Figures
Sexual Offences Act 1956; Criminal Justice & Public Order Act 1994; Sexual Offences Act 2003. Produced by HMSO.

"Violence Against Women in the UK" Kelly, L; Humphreys C; Sen, P & Womankind Worldwide. CEDAW Thematic Shadow Report. Published in 2003.

BBC News Website: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/5312928.stm dated 5th September 2006
BBC News Online Magazine: 'On The Lash' by Megan Lane & Tomiko Newson (see link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6213686.stm) dated 8th September 2006.

Financial Abuse By A Spouse

When you have a brief encounter with a narcissist, you might not realize that the person has a personality disorder which is typified by being very self-absorbed and lacking in empathy for others. However, when you are a target of narcissistic abuse, and are in a relationship with this person, your every day life becomes confusing and painful.

Before getting into ways you can rebuild your self-esteem, let's take a moment to describe the behavior of a narcissist for those who might not be clear about what the term means. An individual with narcissistic personality disorder goes through life with an overwhelming need to be validated all the time, and told they are wonderful, smarter than anyone else and are entitled to only the finest treatment by everyone. They take offense easily, and get angry quickly if they interpret a remark as being an insult. In their craving for attention and approval, they are usually adept at being charming when they want something from someone else, and then if they are refused will have an almost instant transformation into being very angry. They are quick to judge other people as inferior, and enjoy using phrases that are racist, demeaning and derogatory of other groups of people.

For example, a narcissist, feeling he is superior to everyone else, will commonly say things like, "The masses are asses!"

While some people like to say that a narcissist is someone with excess self-love or vanity, that really doesn't do more than give a surface definition. To know more, you have to understand a bit about how this disorder began, and it is typically stated in definitions of the disorder that it began with trauma early in childhood, during the phase when the child should have been developing a healthy sense of self. Instead, the child formed the opinion, usually as a result of abusive treatment including neglect, that he was not good enough the way he was and needed to create a "perfect" persona to show to the world to gain that all-important approval the child craved.

4. Are you still breathing? A relationship with a narcissistic abuser can feel devastating, but notice that you are still alive, and that means there is more for you to do and enjoy in this life, free from abuse. Part of your birthright is that you deserve to enjoy a life that you truly love wherein you make your dreams come true and feel happier than you ever believed possible. You can achieve this switch from victim to victorious by refusing to let the abuser win. Dismiss all those negative things he or she assaulted you with.

5. Every day, repeat this affirmation to yourself several times, out loud if possible so that you hear a voice telling you this: "I do enough, I am good enough, I am enough." Use the power of positive affirmations to build high self-esteem so that you will gradually replace those old negative statements that you accepted as true just because an abuser said them so often with great authority.

It is not an overnight process to rebuild your self-esteem when you have been repeatedly abused by a partner or parent with narcissistic personality disorder, but don't give up. Keep your focus on building a life for yourself where you only attract loving people and loving events to you, and you will soon find yourself smiling and enjoying peace of mind and glowing, healthy self-esteem.

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https://www.lizandzol.co.za/2018-7/

Stop Abuse Have The Cycle Of Domestic Violence List

What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge 2018

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in 2018 . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

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What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Domestic Violence Hashtags . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

[lsup_image_24] 

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

[lsup_image_46]

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence Guns .

What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in 2018 ?

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Domestic violence has so many different facets. Everyone is familiar with the classic physical abuse situation. Honestly, when I was younger, these scenarios would irritate me to no end. I never could understand why a woman would stay with a man that hit her. In my mind, it was just as much her fault for staying as it was his for hitting. I've come to understand that everything happens for a reason. The older I get, the more obvious the events are in the scheme of things. I have not been in a physically abusive relationship, but I'm exiting an emotionally abusive one. Now, I find it hard to believe that anyone gets out of any abusive relationship at all. I understand it all now. I have no bruises, and no broken bones, but make no mistake - I am broken.

These are 4 of the eight defining characteristics of emotional abuse.

  • Using Isolation
  • Minimizing, denying and blaming
  • Using Children
  • Using Male Privilege

These might just be four of the classic signs, but let me tell you - when you are in the thick of it, you might not recognize even one as being an issue. Seriously, when I got married, I just came to the conclusion that I had to put up with whatever he dished out because that's how marriages stay together. We all have our faults and I want someone to accept me for mine, so I will accept him for his. This is a flawed way of justifying everything I had to put up with.

Using isolation seems pretty cut and dry, but it's really hard to tell when you are the one isolated. The classic explanation uses the word "control" because that's what it is. But this makes it seem so obvious, and it's not. If your partner is constantly curious as to where you have been and who you have been talking to, then you might be "controlled". Or maybe they love you so much that just the thought of you talking to anyone else, especially of the opposite gender, makes them insanely jealous. You, then, decrease the amount of time you spend out in public, and restrict your activities and conversations just to avoid drama at home. If this sounds familiar, then you have one of eight signs already.

Minimizing, denying and blaming are where we question if this is even really an issue. To bring up a concern in a relationship is just part of the growing process. If the person you express this to seems unwilling to talk about it at that moment, then give it a while and try again. If they never want to talk about any issue you have, then pay close attention. My favorite is acting like it never happened at all. It's like living in a time warp. You bring up an issue, say, the "jealousy" problem. Then, since the other person has "no idea" what you are talking about, you start to question if you imagined the whole thing! Mind games, people!

To use a child in any way, shape or form is bad enough; but when the child is being used as a tool in abuse, it's reprehensible! If you are a mother, then you have one weakness and that is your children. If you come from a divorced family, then you probably want to avoid that for your own children. This person will ask you if you really want your child to come from a broken home like you did. If you want the kids to see their parents fighting - and the answer will be "no" and you will drop it. No one wants to put their kids through hell, so making you question your parenting skills is an easy way for you to "stay in your place".

Using male privilege is what most of us would view as archaic. The thing is, it isn't as cut and dry now days. If you have noticed that he wants to "help you" out by paying all the bills himself, or making that decision to buy a new car alone, then you are experiencing a form of male privilege. Having "your" chores be focused around the home, and his responsibilities are outside of the home is a way to control you. If he flat out treats you like a maid and tells you what your "job" is and what his "job" is, then he's putting you in your place. My favorite saying is, "It wouldn't hurt you to get off your ass and do something."

These are four of the eight signs of emotional abuse. If you read this and find it eerily familiar, then you need to pay attention to your situation. Most likely though, if you read this and find that it hits home, you will try to justify every single one. The control this person has over you is the hardest type to identify and prove because it's them using your emotions and mind against you. They are using you as a weapon of control. There is no harm in asking a few questions. The Domestic Violence Hotline is there to help you. Take the first step and just see if what you think is true has any merit.

Domestic Abuse Help - Who Is Responsible for the Abuse in Abusive Relationships?

When you have a brief encounter with a narcissist, you might not realize that the person has a personality disorder which is typified by being very self-absorbed and lacking in empathy for others. However, when you are a target of narcissistic abuse, and are in a relationship with this person, your every day life becomes confusing and painful.

Before getting into ways you can rebuild your self-esteem, let's take a moment to describe the behavior of a narcissist for those who might not be clear about what the term means. An individual with narcissistic personality disorder goes through life with an overwhelming need to be validated all the time, and told they are wonderful, smarter than anyone else and are entitled to only the finest treatment by everyone. They take offense easily, and get angry quickly if they interpret a remark as being an insult. In their craving for attention and approval, they are usually adept at being charming when they want something from someone else, and then if they are refused will have an almost instant transformation into being very angry. They are quick to judge other people as inferior, and enjoy using phrases that are racist, demeaning and derogatory of other groups of people.

For example, a narcissist, feeling he is superior to everyone else, will commonly say things like, "The masses are asses!"

While some people like to say that a narcissist is someone with excess self-love or vanity, that really doesn't do more than give a surface definition. To know more, you have to understand a bit about how this disorder began, and it is typically stated in definitions of the disorder that it began with trauma early in childhood, during the phase when the child should have been developing a healthy sense of self. Instead, the child formed the opinion, usually as a result of abusive treatment including neglect, that he was not good enough the way he was and needed to create a "perfect" persona to show to the world to gain that all-important approval the child craved.

4. Are you still breathing? A relationship with a narcissistic abuser can feel devastating, but notice that you are still alive, and that means there is more for you to do and enjoy in this life, free from abuse. Part of your birthright is that you deserve to enjoy a life that you truly love wherein you make your dreams come true and feel happier than you ever believed possible. You can achieve this switch from victim to victorious by refusing to let the abuser win. Dismiss all those negative things he or she assaulted you with.

5. Every day, repeat this affirmation to yourself several times, out loud if possible so that you hear a voice telling you this: "I do enough, I am good enough, I am enough." Use the power of positive affirmations to build high self-esteem so that you will gradually replace those old negative statements that you accepted as true just because an abuser said them so often with great authority.

It is not an overnight process to rebuild your self-esteem when you have been repeatedly abused by a partner or parent with narcissistic personality disorder, but don't give up. Keep your focus on building a life for yourself where you only attract loving people and loving events to you, and you will soon find yourself smiling and enjoying peace of mind and glowing, healthy self-esteem.

 [lsup_image_44]


https://www.lizandzol.co.za/2018-7/

Stop Abuse Have The Cycle Of Domestic Violence List

What Happens When You File A Domestic Violence Report 2018

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Happens When You File A Domestic Violence Report in 2018 . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

[lsup_image_30]

What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Domestic Violence On Women . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

[lsup_image_24] 

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

[lsup_image_46]

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence History .

What Happens When You File A Domestic Violence Report in 2018 ?

 [lsup_image_34]

We're all capable of abuse when we're frustrated or hurt. We may be guilty of criticizing, judging, withholding, and controlling, but some abusers, including narcissists, take abuse to a different level. Narcissistic Abuse can be physical, mental, emotional, sexual, financial, and/or spiritual. Some types of emotional abuse are not easy to spot, including manipulation. It can include emotional blackmail, using threats and intimidation to exercise control. Narcissists are masters of verbal abuse and manipulation. They can go so far as to make you doubt your own perceptions, called gaslighting.

The Motivation for Narcissistic Abuse

Remember that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and abuse exist on a continuum, ranging from silence to violence. Rarely will a narcissist take responsibility for his or her behavior. Generally, they deny their actions, and augment the abuse by blaming the victim. Particularly, malignant narcissists aren't bothered by guilt. They can be sadistic and take pleasure in inflicting pain. They can be so competitive and unprincipled that they engage in anti-social behavior. Don't confuse narcissism with anti-social personality disorder.

The objective of narcissistic abuse is power. They act with the intent to diminish or even hurt other people. The most important thing to remember about intentional abuse is that it's designed to dominate you. Abusers' goals are to increase their control and authority, while creating doubt, shame, and dependency in their victims. They want to feel superior to avoid hidden feelings of inferiority. Understanding this can empower you. Like all bullies, despite their defenses of rage, arrogance, and self-inflation, they suffer from shame. Appearing weak and humiliated is their biggest fear. Knowing this, it's essential not to take personally the words and actions of an abuser. This enables you to confront narcissistic abuse.

Mistakes in Dealing with Abuse

When you forget an abuser's motives, you may naturally react in some of these ineffective ways:

1. Appeasement. If you placate to avoid conflict and anger, it empowers the abuser, who sees it as weakness and an opportunity to exert more control.

4. Set Boundaries. Boundaries are rules that govern the way you want to be treated. People will treat you the way you allow them to. You must know what your boundaries are before you can communicate them. This means getting in touch with your feelings, listening to your body, knowing your rights, and learning assertiveness. They must be explicit.

Don't hint or expect people to read your mind.

5. Have Consequences. After setting boundaries, if they're ignored, it's important to communicate and invoke consequences. These are not threats, but actions you take to protect yourself or meet your needs.

6. Be Educative. Research shows that narcissists have neurological deficits that affect their interpersonal reactions. You're best approach is to educate a narcissist like a child. Explain the impact of their behavior and provide incentives and encouragement for different behavior. This may involve communicating consequences. It requires planning what you're going to say without being emotional.

Get Support

To respond effectively requires support. Without it, you may languish in self-doubt and succumb to abusive disinformation and denigration. It's challenging to change your reactions, let alone those of anyone else. Expect pushback when you stand up for yourself. This is another reason why support is essential. You will need courage and consistency. Whether or not the narcissist makes changes, you'll get tools to protect yourself and raise your self-worth that will improve how you feel whether you stay or leave. CoDA meetings and psychotherapy provide guidance and support.

Warning: If you're experiencing physical abuse, expect it to continue or escalate. Get help immediately.

© DarleneLancer 2018

Child Abuse - What Are The Causes and Effects?

Domestic/family abuse can have many forms, including physical violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, intimidation, economic deprivation, and threats of violence. Abuse is typically progressive; oftentimes emotional and psychological abuse is a precursor for violent and criminal forms. According to the US Department of Justice's 2005 Family Violence Statistics report, family violence accounted for 11% of all reported and unreported violence between 1998 and 2002, totaling a staggering 3.5 million violent crimes. The report indicates 49% were crimes against spouses, 11% were sons or daughters victimized by a parent, and 41% were crimes against other family members.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate, it occurs in all cultures; people of all races, ethnicities, religions, sexes and classes can be perpetrators or victims of this violence. Yet, research indicates that certain demographics and subgroups are more prominent as victims and as offenders. For example, according to the American Medical Association, as many as 1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime as compared to 15% of victims being men.

With family violence also comes the intergenerational cycle of violence. In 1 in 3 domestic violence incidents, the victims had children in common with the offender, and in 1 in 4 incidents, there were multiple victims. Children and youth exposed to violence are likely to develop behavioral problems, such as regressing, exhibiting out of control behavior, and other behaviors that mirror those which they were exposed. Unfortunately, this cycle produces children who may think that violence is an acceptable behavior of intimate relationships and thus, become either the abused or the abuser. An estimated 1/5 to 1/3 of teen-aged youth subject to viewing domestic violence situations experience teen dating and intimate partner violence, regularly abusing or being abused by their partners verbally, mentally, emotionally, sexually and/or physically. Hence, the average age of the abused and the abuser as it relates to juvenile domestic violence is 16. Family violence research indicates that juvenile domestic violence offenders are more likely to be male; approximately 90% of this violence is targeted towards women. If not prevented or addressed, youth continue the cycle into adulthood; 30-50% of dating relationships can exhibit the same cycle of escalating violence in their marital relationships.

This cycle must be broken. One solution is to address the significant need for family violence abuse prevention and intervention treatment specifically targeting violence and abuse saturated areas. Thankfully there are several organizations with this mission in mind as well as funding available to aid this undertaking, giving hope for domestic violence reduction in our future.

 [lsup_image_44]


https://www.lizandzol.co.za/2018-7/

Stop Abuse Have The Cycle Of Domestic Violence List

What Happens When You Call The Police For Domestic Violence 2018

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Happens When You Call The Police For Domestic Violence in 2018 . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

[lsup_image_30]

What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Report Animal Abuse Near Me . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

[lsup_image_24] 

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

[lsup_image_46]

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence Groups .

What Happens When You Call The Police For Domestic Violence in 2018 ?

 [lsup_image_34]

We're all capable of abuse when we're frustrated or hurt. We may be guilty of criticizing, judging, withholding, and controlling, but some abusers, including narcissists, take abuse to a different level. Narcissistic Abuse can be physical, mental, emotional, sexual, financial, and/or spiritual. Some types of emotional abuse are not easy to spot, including manipulation. It can include emotional blackmail, using threats and intimidation to exercise control. Narcissists are masters of verbal abuse and manipulation. They can go so far as to make you doubt your own perceptions, called gaslighting.

The Motivation for Narcissistic Abuse

Remember that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and abuse exist on a continuum, ranging from silence to violence. Rarely will a narcissist take responsibility for his or her behavior. Generally, they deny their actions, and augment the abuse by blaming the victim. Particularly, malignant narcissists aren't bothered by guilt. They can be sadistic and take pleasure in inflicting pain. They can be so competitive and unprincipled that they engage in anti-social behavior. Don't confuse narcissism with anti-social personality disorder.

The objective of narcissistic abuse is power. They act with the intent to diminish or even hurt other people. The most important thing to remember about intentional abuse is that it's designed to dominate you. Abusers' goals are to increase their control and authority, while creating doubt, shame, and dependency in their victims. They want to feel superior to avoid hidden feelings of inferiority. Understanding this can empower you. Like all bullies, despite their defenses of rage, arrogance, and self-inflation, they suffer from shame. Appearing weak and humiliated is their biggest fear. Knowing this, it's essential not to take personally the words and actions of an abuser. This enables you to confront narcissistic abuse.

Mistakes in Dealing with Abuse

When you forget an abuser's motives, you may naturally react in some of these ineffective ways:

1. Appeasement. If you placate to avoid conflict and anger, it empowers the abuser, who sees it as weakness and an opportunity to exert more control.

4. Set Boundaries. Boundaries are rules that govern the way you want to be treated. People will treat you the way you allow them to. You must know what your boundaries are before you can communicate them. This means getting in touch with your feelings, listening to your body, knowing your rights, and learning assertiveness. They must be explicit.

Don't hint or expect people to read your mind.

5. Have Consequences. After setting boundaries, if they're ignored, it's important to communicate and invoke consequences. These are not threats, but actions you take to protect yourself or meet your needs.

6. Be Educative. Research shows that narcissists have neurological deficits that affect their interpersonal reactions. You're best approach is to educate a narcissist like a child. Explain the impact of their behavior and provide incentives and encouragement for different behavior. This may involve communicating consequences. It requires planning what you're going to say without being emotional.

Get Support

To respond effectively requires support. Without it, you may languish in self-doubt and succumb to abusive disinformation and denigration. It's challenging to change your reactions, let alone those of anyone else. Expect pushback when you stand up for yourself. This is another reason why support is essential. You will need courage and consistency. Whether or not the narcissist makes changes, you'll get tools to protect yourself and raise your self-worth that will improve how you feel whether you stay or leave. CoDA meetings and psychotherapy provide guidance and support.

Warning: If you're experiencing physical abuse, expect it to continue or escalate. Get help immediately.

© DarleneLancer 2018

Abuse: What Causes Abuse?

Domestic/family abuse can have many forms, including physical violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, intimidation, economic deprivation, and threats of violence. Abuse is typically progressive; oftentimes emotional and psychological abuse is a precursor for violent and criminal forms. According to the US Department of Justice's 2005 Family Violence Statistics report, family violence accounted for 11% of all reported and unreported violence between 1998 and 2002, totaling a staggering 3.5 million violent crimes. The report indicates 49% were crimes against spouses, 11% were sons or daughters victimized by a parent, and 41% were crimes against other family members.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate, it occurs in all cultures; people of all races, ethnicities, religions, sexes and classes can be perpetrators or victims of this violence. Yet, research indicates that certain demographics and subgroups are more prominent as victims and as offenders. For example, according to the American Medical Association, as many as 1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime as compared to 15% of victims being men.

With family violence also comes the intergenerational cycle of violence. In 1 in 3 domestic violence incidents, the victims had children in common with the offender, and in 1 in 4 incidents, there were multiple victims. Children and youth exposed to violence are likely to develop behavioral problems, such as regressing, exhibiting out of control behavior, and other behaviors that mirror those which they were exposed. Unfortunately, this cycle produces children who may think that violence is an acceptable behavior of intimate relationships and thus, become either the abused or the abuser. An estimated 1/5 to 1/3 of teen-aged youth subject to viewing domestic violence situations experience teen dating and intimate partner violence, regularly abusing or being abused by their partners verbally, mentally, emotionally, sexually and/or physically. Hence, the average age of the abused and the abuser as it relates to juvenile domestic violence is 16. Family violence research indicates that juvenile domestic violence offenders are more likely to be male; approximately 90% of this violence is targeted towards women. If not prevented or addressed, youth continue the cycle into adulthood; 30-50% of dating relationships can exhibit the same cycle of escalating violence in their marital relationships.

This cycle must be broken. One solution is to address the significant need for family violence abuse prevention and intervention treatment specifically targeting violence and abuse saturated areas. Thankfully there are several organizations with this mission in mind as well as funding available to aid this undertaking, giving hope for domestic violence reduction in our future.

 [lsup_image_44]


https://www.lizandzol.co.za/2018-7/

Stop Abuse Have The Cycle Of Domestic Violence List

What Emotional Abuse Does To A Woman 2018

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Emotional Abuse Does To A Woman in 2018 . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

[lsup_image_30]

What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Domestic Violence Effects On Children . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

[lsup_image_24] 

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

[lsup_image_46]

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Abuse Counseling Near Me .

What Emotional Abuse Does To A Woman in 2018 ?

 [lsup_image_34]

Domestic/family abuse can have many forms, including physical violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, intimidation, economic deprivation, and threats of violence. Abuse is typically progressive; oftentimes emotional and psychological abuse is a precursor for violent and criminal forms. According to the US Department of Justice's 2005 Family Violence Statistics report, family violence accounted for 11% of all reported and unreported violence between 1998 and 2002, totaling a staggering 3.5 million violent crimes. The report indicates 49% were crimes against spouses, 11% were sons or daughters victimized by a parent, and 41% were crimes against other family members.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate, it occurs in all cultures; people of all races, ethnicities, religions, sexes and classes can be perpetrators or victims of this violence. Yet, research indicates that certain demographics and subgroups are more prominent as victims and as offenders. For example, according to the American Medical Association, as many as 1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime as compared to 15% of victims being men.

With family violence also comes the intergenerational cycle of violence. In 1 in 3 domestic violence incidents, the victims had children in common with the offender, and in 1 in 4 incidents, there were multiple victims. Children and youth exposed to violence are likely to develop behavioral problems, such as regressing, exhibiting out of control behavior, and other behaviors that mirror those which they were exposed. Unfortunately, this cycle produces children who may think that violence is an acceptable behavior of intimate relationships and thus, become either the abused or the abuser. An estimated 1/5 to 1/3 of teen-aged youth subject to viewing domestic violence situations experience teen dating and intimate partner violence, regularly abusing or being abused by their partners verbally, mentally, emotionally, sexually and/or physically. Hence, the average age of the abused and the abuser as it relates to juvenile domestic violence is 16. Family violence research indicates that juvenile domestic violence offenders are more likely to be male; approximately 90% of this violence is targeted towards women. If not prevented or addressed, youth continue the cycle into adulthood; 30-50% of dating relationships can exhibit the same cycle of escalating violence in their marital relationships.

This cycle must be broken. One solution is to address the significant need for family violence abuse prevention and intervention treatment specifically targeting violence and abuse saturated areas. Thankfully there are several organizations with this mission in mind as well as funding available to aid this undertaking, giving hope for domestic violence reduction in our future.

Does Violence Begins at Home?

Why do domestic abuse victims assume responsibility for the battering behavior in abusive relationships? Easy answer...because it is their "Job."

Now, I'm not being flipped here; I'm being honest and direct. Domestic abuse victims know that it is their role in the relationship to shoulder the blame for the relationship discord, and that includes the batterer's physical, verbal and emotional abuse toward them. It's part of the territory of what keeps the abuse dynamic intact.

The victim's assuming responsibility for the battering is both expected by the abuser and by the abused. The only people stunned by this action are the individuals looking in who are unfamiliar with the dynamics of abusive relationships.

Responsibility and Domestic Violence Victims

It can be anything from becoming accountable for their own injuries in a domestic assault, to sucking up ownership for something they themselves were not even a party to...or even paying the penalty for a crime they did not commit.

When engaged in the dynamics of an abusive relationship, it's not a matter of right or wrong, or even who did what. Instead, it has to do with keeping peace.

The abused may very well believe in their own innocence, yet they know from experience that owning fault buys "promise" for a reprieve of peace. The abuser declares continuous battering until victim ownership is "properly" assumed. And this is what keeps the abuse dynamic going.

Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Abuse

Conversely, the key to breaking the cycle of abuse is the abused forfeiting responsibility for the battering behavior. The moment she/he stops becoming accountable for the perpetrator's actions, feelings and beliefs, the relationship dynamics shift. A window opens up wherein the abused is then free to be responsible for their own experience.

This one shift is a major cornerstone in breaking the cycle of domestic violence. Given this, do you see the power that the victim has in maintaining and/or breaking the cycle of abuse?

If you are in an abusive relationship and find yourself at the mercy of your partner demanding your accountability for the abuse, ask yourself if your ownership of the blame beings true peace or continues the war.

Going back to our opening question titling this article: "Who is responsible for the domestic abuse in battering relationships?"...Both of the parties are responsible for maintaining the abuse dynamic. And, most importantly, each party is only responsible for their own individual actions, feelings and beliefs.

 [lsup_image_44]


https://www.lizandzol.co.za/2018-7/

Stop Abuse Have The Cycle Of Domestic Violence List

What Does Verbal Abuse Do To A Woman 2018

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Does Verbal Abuse Do To A Woman in 2018 . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

[lsup_image_30]

What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Domestic Violence Essay Conclusion . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

[lsup_image_24] 

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

[lsup_image_46]

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and How To Prevent Domestic Violence .

What Does Verbal Abuse Do To A Woman in 2018 ?

 [lsup_image_34]

Domestic violence has so many different facets. Everyone is familiar with the classic physical abuse situation. Honestly, when I was younger, these scenarios would irritate me to no end. I never could understand why a woman would stay with a man that hit her. In my mind, it was just as much her fault for staying as it was his for hitting. I've come to understand that everything happens for a reason. The older I get, the more obvious the events are in the scheme of things. I have not been in a physically abusive relationship, but I'm exiting an emotionally abusive one. Now, I find it hard to believe that anyone gets out of any abusive relationship at all. I understand it all now. I have no bruises, and no broken bones, but make no mistake - I am broken.

These are 4 of the eight defining characteristics of emotional abuse.

  • Using Isolation
  • Minimizing, denying and blaming
  • Using Children
  • Using Male Privilege

These might just be four of the classic signs, but let me tell you - when you are in the thick of it, you might not recognize even one as being an issue. Seriously, when I got married, I just came to the conclusion that I had to put up with whatever he dished out because that's how marriages stay together. We all have our faults and I want someone to accept me for mine, so I will accept him for his. This is a flawed way of justifying everything I had to put up with.

Using isolation seems pretty cut and dry, but it's really hard to tell when you are the one isolated. The classic explanation uses the word "control" because that's what it is. But this makes it seem so obvious, and it's not. If your partner is constantly curious as to where you have been and who you have been talking to, then you might be "controlled". Or maybe they love you so much that just the thought of you talking to anyone else, especially of the opposite gender, makes them insanely jealous. You, then, decrease the amount of time you spend out in public, and restrict your activities and conversations just to avoid drama at home. If this sounds familiar, then you have one of eight signs already.

Minimizing, denying and blaming are where we question if this is even really an issue. To bring up a concern in a relationship is just part of the growing process. If the person you express this to seems unwilling to talk about it at that moment, then give it a while and try again. If they never want to talk about any issue you have, then pay close attention. My favorite is acting like it never happened at all. It's like living in a time warp. You bring up an issue, say, the "jealousy" problem. Then, since the other person has "no idea" what you are talking about, you start to question if you imagined the whole thing! Mind games, people!

To use a child in any way, shape or form is bad enough; but when the child is being used as a tool in abuse, it's reprehensible! If you are a mother, then you have one weakness and that is your children. If you come from a divorced family, then you probably want to avoid that for your own children. This person will ask you if you really want your child to come from a broken home like you did. If you want the kids to see their parents fighting - and the answer will be "no" and you will drop it. No one wants to put their kids through hell, so making you question your parenting skills is an easy way for you to "stay in your place".

Using male privilege is what most of us would view as archaic. The thing is, it isn't as cut and dry now days. If you have noticed that he wants to "help you" out by paying all the bills himself, or making that decision to buy a new car alone, then you are experiencing a form of male privilege. Having "your" chores be focused around the home, and his responsibilities are outside of the home is a way to control you. If he flat out treats you like a maid and tells you what your "job" is and what his "job" is, then he's putting you in your place. My favorite saying is, "It wouldn't hurt you to get off your ass and do something."

These are four of the eight signs of emotional abuse. If you read this and find it eerily familiar, then you need to pay attention to your situation. Most likely though, if you read this and find that it hits home, you will try to justify every single one. The control this person has over you is the hardest type to identify and prove because it's them using your emotions and mind against you. They are using you as a weapon of control. There is no harm in asking a few questions. The Domestic Violence Hotline is there to help you. Take the first step and just see if what you think is true has any merit.

5 Warning Signs to Recognize Senior Abuse

Domestic/family abuse can have many forms, including physical violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, intimidation, economic deprivation, and threats of violence. Abuse is typically progressive; oftentimes emotional and psychological abuse is a precursor for violent and criminal forms. According to the US Department of Justice's 2005 Family Violence Statistics report, family violence accounted for 11% of all reported and unreported violence between 1998 and 2002, totaling a staggering 3.5 million violent crimes. The report indicates 49% were crimes against spouses, 11% were sons or daughters victimized by a parent, and 41% were crimes against other family members.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate, it occurs in all cultures; people of all races, ethnicities, religions, sexes and classes can be perpetrators or victims of this violence. Yet, research indicates that certain demographics and subgroups are more prominent as victims and as offenders. For example, according to the American Medical Association, as many as 1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime as compared to 15% of victims being men.

With family violence also comes the intergenerational cycle of violence. In 1 in 3 domestic violence incidents, the victims had children in common with the offender, and in 1 in 4 incidents, there were multiple victims. Children and youth exposed to violence are likely to develop behavioral problems, such as regressing, exhibiting out of control behavior, and other behaviors that mirror those which they were exposed. Unfortunately, this cycle produces children who may think that violence is an acceptable behavior of intimate relationships and thus, become either the abused or the abuser. An estimated 1/5 to 1/3 of teen-aged youth subject to viewing domestic violence situations experience teen dating and intimate partner violence, regularly abusing or being abused by their partners verbally, mentally, emotionally, sexually and/or physically. Hence, the average age of the abused and the abuser as it relates to juvenile domestic violence is 16. Family violence research indicates that juvenile domestic violence offenders are more likely to be male; approximately 90% of this violence is targeted towards women. If not prevented or addressed, youth continue the cycle into adulthood; 30-50% of dating relationships can exhibit the same cycle of escalating violence in their marital relationships.

This cycle must be broken. One solution is to address the significant need for family violence abuse prevention and intervention treatment specifically targeting violence and abuse saturated areas. Thankfully there are several organizations with this mission in mind as well as funding available to aid this undertaking, giving hope for domestic violence reduction in our future.

 [lsup_image_44]


https://www.lizandzol.co.za/2018-7/

Stop Abuse Have The Cycle Of Domestic Violence List

What Does Mental Abuse Do To A Woman South Africa

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Does Mental Abuse Do To A Woman in South Africa . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

[lsup_image_30]

What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Abuse Lawyers Near Me . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

[lsup_image_24] 

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

[lsup_image_46]

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence Hotline Number .

What Does Mental Abuse Do To A Woman in South Africa ?

 [lsup_image_34]

Domestic/family abuse can have many forms, including physical violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, intimidation, economic deprivation, and threats of violence. Abuse is typically progressive; oftentimes emotional and psychological abuse is a precursor for violent and criminal forms. According to the US Department of Justice's 2005 Family Violence Statistics report, family violence accounted for 11% of all reported and unreported violence between 1998 and 2002, totaling a staggering 3.5 million violent crimes. The report indicates 49% were crimes against spouses, 11% were sons or daughters victimized by a parent, and 41% were crimes against other family members.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate, it occurs in all cultures; people of all races, ethnicities, religions, sexes and classes can be perpetrators or victims of this violence. Yet, research indicates that certain demographics and subgroups are more prominent as victims and as offenders. For example, according to the American Medical Association, as many as 1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime as compared to 15% of victims being men.

With family violence also comes the intergenerational cycle of violence. In 1 in 3 domestic violence incidents, the victims had children in common with the offender, and in 1 in 4 incidents, there were multiple victims. Children and youth exposed to violence are likely to develop behavioral problems, such as regressing, exhibiting out of control behavior, and other behaviors that mirror those which they were exposed. Unfortunately, this cycle produces children who may think that violence is an acceptable behavior of intimate relationships and thus, become either the abused or the abuser. An estimated 1/5 to 1/3 of teen-aged youth subject to viewing domestic violence situations experience teen dating and intimate partner violence, regularly abusing or being abused by their partners verbally, mentally, emotionally, sexually and/or physically. Hence, the average age of the abused and the abuser as it relates to juvenile domestic violence is 16. Family violence research indicates that juvenile domestic violence offenders are more likely to be male; approximately 90% of this violence is targeted towards women. If not prevented or addressed, youth continue the cycle into adulthood; 30-50% of dating relationships can exhibit the same cycle of escalating violence in their marital relationships.

This cycle must be broken. One solution is to address the significant need for family violence abuse prevention and intervention treatment specifically targeting violence and abuse saturated areas. Thankfully there are several organizations with this mission in mind as well as funding available to aid this undertaking, giving hope for domestic violence reduction in our future.

Financial Abuse By A Spouse

Why do domestic abuse victims assume responsibility for the battering behavior in abusive relationships? Easy answer...because it is their "Job."

Now, I'm not being flipped here; I'm being honest and direct. Domestic abuse victims know that it is their role in the relationship to shoulder the blame for the relationship discord, and that includes the batterer's physical, verbal and emotional abuse toward them. It's part of the territory of what keeps the abuse dynamic intact.

The victim's assuming responsibility for the battering is both expected by the abuser and by the abused. The only people stunned by this action are the individuals looking in who are unfamiliar with the dynamics of abusive relationships.

Responsibility and Domestic Violence Victims

It can be anything from becoming accountable for their own injuries in a domestic assault, to sucking up ownership for something they themselves were not even a party to...or even paying the penalty for a crime they did not commit.

When engaged in the dynamics of an abusive relationship, it's not a matter of right or wrong, or even who did what. Instead, it has to do with keeping peace.

The abused may very well believe in their own innocence, yet they know from experience that owning fault buys "promise" for a reprieve of peace. The abuser declares continuous battering until victim ownership is "properly" assumed. And this is what keeps the abuse dynamic going.

Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Abuse

Conversely, the key to breaking the cycle of abuse is the abused forfeiting responsibility for the battering behavior. The moment she/he stops becoming accountable for the perpetrator's actions, feelings and beliefs, the relationship dynamics shift. A window opens up wherein the abused is then free to be responsible for their own experience.

This one shift is a major cornerstone in breaking the cycle of domestic violence. Given this, do you see the power that the victim has in maintaining and/or breaking the cycle of abuse?

If you are in an abusive relationship and find yourself at the mercy of your partner demanding your accountability for the abuse, ask yourself if your ownership of the blame beings true peace or continues the war.

Going back to our opening question titling this article: "Who is responsible for the domestic abuse in battering relationships?"...Both of the parties are responsible for maintaining the abuse dynamic. And, most importantly, each party is only responsible for their own individual actions, feelings and beliefs.

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Stop Abuse Have The Cycle Of Domestic Violence List

What Does Emotional Abuse Do To A Woman South Africa

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Does Emotional Abuse Do To A Woman in South Africa . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

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What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Abuse Groups Near Me . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

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Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

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Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence Hashtags .

What Does Emotional Abuse Do To A Woman in South Africa ?

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Domestic violence has so many different facets. Everyone is familiar with the classic physical abuse situation. Honestly, when I was younger, these scenarios would irritate me to no end. I never could understand why a woman would stay with a man that hit her. In my mind, it was just as much her fault for staying as it was his for hitting. I've come to understand that everything happens for a reason. The older I get, the more obvious the events are in the scheme of things. I have not been in a physically abusive relationship, but I'm exiting an emotionally abusive one. Now, I find it hard to believe that anyone gets out of any abusive relationship at all. I understand it all now. I have no bruises, and no broken bones, but make no mistake - I am broken.

These are 4 of the eight defining characteristics of emotional abuse.

  • Using Isolation
  • Minimizing, denying and blaming
  • Using Children
  • Using Male Privilege

These might just be four of the classic signs, but let me tell you - when you are in the thick of it, you might not recognize even one as being an issue. Seriously, when I got married, I just came to the conclusion that I had to put up with whatever he dished out because that's how marriages stay together. We all have our faults and I want someone to accept me for mine, so I will accept him for his. This is a flawed way of justifying everything I had to put up with.

Using isolation seems pretty cut and dry, but it's really hard to tell when you are the one isolated. The classic explanation uses the word "control" because that's what it is. But this makes it seem so obvious, and it's not. If your partner is constantly curious as to where you have been and who you have been talking to, then you might be "controlled". Or maybe they love you so much that just the thought of you talking to anyone else, especially of the opposite gender, makes them insanely jealous. You, then, decrease the amount of time you spend out in public, and restrict your activities and conversations just to avoid drama at home. If this sounds familiar, then you have one of eight signs already.

Minimizing, denying and blaming are where we question if this is even really an issue. To bring up a concern in a relationship is just part of the growing process. If the person you express this to seems unwilling to talk about it at that moment, then give it a while and try again. If they never want to talk about any issue you have, then pay close attention. My favorite is acting like it never happened at all. It's like living in a time warp. You bring up an issue, say, the "jealousy" problem. Then, since the other person has "no idea" what you are talking about, you start to question if you imagined the whole thing! Mind games, people!

To use a child in any way, shape or form is bad enough; but when the child is being used as a tool in abuse, it's reprehensible! If you are a mother, then you have one weakness and that is your children. If you come from a divorced family, then you probably want to avoid that for your own children. This person will ask you if you really want your child to come from a broken home like you did. If you want the kids to see their parents fighting - and the answer will be "no" and you will drop it. No one wants to put their kids through hell, so making you question your parenting skills is an easy way for you to "stay in your place".

Using male privilege is what most of us would view as archaic. The thing is, it isn't as cut and dry now days. If you have noticed that he wants to "help you" out by paying all the bills himself, or making that decision to buy a new car alone, then you are experiencing a form of male privilege. Having "your" chores be focused around the home, and his responsibilities are outside of the home is a way to control you. If he flat out treats you like a maid and tells you what your "job" is and what his "job" is, then he's putting you in your place. My favorite saying is, "It wouldn't hurt you to get off your ass and do something."

These are four of the eight signs of emotional abuse. If you read this and find it eerily familiar, then you need to pay attention to your situation. Most likely though, if you read this and find that it hits home, you will try to justify every single one. The control this person has over you is the hardest type to identify and prove because it's them using your emotions and mind against you. They are using you as a weapon of control. There is no harm in asking a few questions. The Domestic Violence Hotline is there to help you. Take the first step and just see if what you think is true has any merit.

Financial Abuse By A Spouse

Domestic Violence: Victims of Domestic Violence

If you are a victim of domestic violence or if you know someone who is a victim of domestic violence you may not know what to do in this situation. If it is an emergency you may want to consider calling 911. If you feel trapped in an abusive relationship that involves domestic violence, know that there are many ways to get away from domestic violence. Here are some ideas for victims of domestic violence that are worth exploring.

First you may want to consider a way to get away from the abuser and perpetrator of domestic violence. Right from the first domestic violence act, you may want to consider leaving the place that you share with the aggressor. Whether it is the first act of domestic violence or not it is much safer to get away from the abuser and find another place to stay. Too often, victims of domestic violence are afraid of leaving his/her place of residence resulting in more abuse by the perpetrator of domestic violence.

If you are a victim of domestic violence you may also want to consider obtaining some external help such as requesting assistance from the police or local law enforcement. If you are in need of legal advice, you will want to consult an attorney. You may also wish to consider contacting a friend or a neighbor to get away from the situation rather than try to get trough it alone. Sadly, victims of domestic violence, who are in a very vulnerable situation, will often be persuaded from attempting to obtain help. External assistance is often very critical to help keep the victim of domestic violence protected.

Local police officers and sheriffs are often trained to handle domestic violence cases and can be extremely helpful to the victim of domestic violence. Additionally, law enforcement personnel or city attorneys can provide victims with helpful information related to domestic violence or provide referrals to other local assistance centers such as emergency shelters or safe houses. There are also many local group activities on domestic violence for women which can provide counseling and legal assistance to women.

Another consideration would be to obtain a temporary or long-term restraining order in order to stop the domestic violence. A protective order generally provides that the abuser or perpetrator of domestic violence be restrained from having any form of contact with the victim, has to move out from the residence shared with the protected person, and should stay at least 100 yards away from the protected person at all times. If any children or family members live in the same place, they may also be included in the category of protected persons.

Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence whether you are rich or poor and whatever your background, such as a school drop-out or university graduate. Therefore it is essential to know how to get help with a domestic violence situation for your own health and safety as well as the health and safety of those close to you. If you are seeking legal advice regarding domestic violence and protective orders, you will want to consult an attorney in your jurisdiction.

© 2006 Child Custody Coach

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Stop Abuse Have The Cycle Of Domestic Violence List

What Causes Domestic Violence 2018

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Causes Domestic Violence in 2018 . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

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What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Domestic Violence Organisations . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

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Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

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Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence Education .

What Causes Domestic Violence in 2018 ?

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Abuse isn't just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them. Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

Signs of Potential Financial Abuse

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child. They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple's finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn't an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren't named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen.

Does Violence Begins at Home?

1. Sticks and stones won't break my bones" - and words won't leave any measurable physical damage, but they will cause progressive, long-term harm. Never underestimate the power of words: words are used to brainwash.

Being told you are "stupid", "ugly", "lazy" or "worthless" is never acceptable. The first times you hear it, it will hurt, naturally. In time you "may get used to" hearing it from a partner. That's when you start to internalise and believe it. When that happens you are doing the other person's work of putting you down for them. This is why your feelings of self-worth suffer increasingly over time.

The good news is that just as words have been used to bring you down, you can learn to harness the power of words to build you up and restore your confidence and belief in yourself.

2. You are always told that it's your fault. Somehow, whatever happens, however it starts, the ultimate blame is always yours. Notice that we are talking ultimate blame here. The blaming partner will always tell you that their behaviour was caused by what you said or did. In fact, their argument runs along the lines that you can't possibly blame them for anything, because if you hadn't said what you said, or done what you did it would never have happened.

3. You're more inclined to believe your partner than you are to believe yourself. Have you ever reeled with a sense of hurt and injustice, or seethed with anger at the way you've been treated? Have you found yourself asking: "Is it reasonable to feel like this?" "Am I misinterpreting things?" "Have I got it wrong?"

If this is you, what it means is that you have become so brainwashed you've stopped trusting in your own judgement. Your mind keeps throwing up the observations and questions because, deep down, you know that what is happening is utterly wrong. But right now you can't feel the strength of your own convictions.

4. You need your partner to acknowledge your feelings. Have you ever felt desperate to make your partner hear what you are saying and apologise for the hurtful things they've said? Have you ever felt that only they can heal the pain they've caused?

Does your need for them to validate your feelings keep you hooked into the relationship?

When a partner constantly denies or refuses to listen to your feelings, that is, unquestionably, mental abuse.

5. Your partner blows hot and cold. He can be very loving but is often highly critical of you. He may tell you how much he loves you, yet he is short on care or consideration towards you. In fact, some of the time, maybe even a lot of the time, he treats you as if you were someone he truly dislikes.

You do everything you can to make him happy, but it's never good enough. You're more like the pet dog in the relationship than you are the equal partner. Your constant efforts to get his attention and please him meet with limited success. Sometimes he'll be charmed, often he's dismissive.

If you find yourself puzzling about how your partner can treat you that way, it is because you are trying to live in a love-based relationship, when in reality you are living in a control-based relationship. The mental abuser struggles with his own feelings of worthlessness and uses his relationship to create a feeling of personal power, at his partner's expense.

6. You feel as if you are constantly walking on eggshells. There is a real degree of fear in the relationship. You have come to dread his outbursts, the hurtful things that he will find to say to you. (Maybe the same anxiety and need to please spill over into your other relationships also.)

Fear is not part of a loving relationship, but it is a vital part of a mentally abusive relationship. It enables the abuser to maintain control over you.

7. You can heal. Mentally abusive relationships cause enormous emotional damage to the loving partner who tries, against all odds, to hold the relationship together and, ultimately, can't do it, because her partner is working against her.

Whether you are currently in a mentally abusive relationship, have left one recently, or years later are still struggling with the anxieties and low self-worth and lack of confidence caused by mental abuse, it is never too late to heal.

But you do need to work with a person or a programme specifically geared to mental abuse recovery.

Women who have suffered mental abuse expect radical change of themselves, and they expect it right away. This is why they often struggle and, not uncommonly, take up with another abusive partner.

Mental abuse recovery is a gradual process. Low self-worth and limiting beliefs about what kind of future the abuse sufferer can ever hope for are the blocks that can stop women from moving on. But they are blocks that you can clear very effectively. Just as language was once used to harm you, you can now learn how language can heal you. You can overcome past mental abuse and keep yourself safe from it in the future. You can also learn to feel strong, believe in yourself and create the life and the relationships you truly want.

"The Woman You Want To Be" is a unique workbook designed to accompany you on a year long journey into emotional health and happiness.

(C) 2005 Annie Kaszina

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Stop Abuse Have The Cycle Of Domestic Violence List

What Can Verbal Abuse Do To A Woman South Africa

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Can Verbal Abuse Do To A Woman in South Africa . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

[lsup_image_30]

What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Domestic Violence Hashtags . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

[lsup_image_24] 

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

[lsup_image_46]

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence Effects On Society .

What Can Verbal Abuse Do To A Woman in South Africa ?

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When you have a brief encounter with a narcissist, you might not realize that the person has a personality disorder which is typified by being very self-absorbed and lacking in empathy for others. However, when you are a target of narcissistic abuse, and are in a relationship with this person, your every day life becomes confusing and painful.

Before getting into ways you can rebuild your self-esteem, let's take a moment to describe the behavior of a narcissist for those who might not be clear about what the term means. An individual with narcissistic personality disorder goes through life with an overwhelming need to be validated all the time, and told they are wonderful, smarter than anyone else and are entitled to only the finest treatment by everyone. They take offense easily, and get angry quickly if they interpret a remark as being an insult. In their craving for attention and approval, they are usually adept at being charming when they want something from someone else, and then if they are refused will have an almost instant transformation into being very angry. They are quick to judge other people as inferior, and enjoy using phrases that are racist, demeaning and derogatory of other groups of people.

For example, a narcissist, feeling he is superior to everyone else, will commonly say things like, "The masses are asses!"

While some people like to say that a narcissist is someone with excess self-love or vanity, that really doesn't do more than give a surface definition. To know more, you have to understand a bit about how this disorder began, and it is typically stated in definitions of the disorder that it began with trauma early in childhood, during the phase when the child should have been developing a healthy sense of self. Instead, the child formed the opinion, usually as a result of abusive treatment including neglect, that he was not good enough the way he was and needed to create a "perfect" persona to show to the world to gain that all-important approval the child craved.

4. Are you still breathing? A relationship with a narcissistic abuser can feel devastating, but notice that you are still alive, and that means there is more for you to do and enjoy in this life, free from abuse. Part of your birthright is that you deserve to enjoy a life that you truly love wherein you make your dreams come true and feel happier than you ever believed possible. You can achieve this switch from victim to victorious by refusing to let the abuser win. Dismiss all those negative things he or she assaulted you with.

5. Every day, repeat this affirmation to yourself several times, out loud if possible so that you hear a voice telling you this: "I do enough, I am good enough, I am enough." Use the power of positive affirmations to build high self-esteem so that you will gradually replace those old negative statements that you accepted as true just because an abuser said them so often with great authority.

It is not an overnight process to rebuild your self-esteem when you have been repeatedly abused by a partner or parent with narcissistic personality disorder, but don't give up. Keep your focus on building a life for yourself where you only attract loving people and loving events to you, and you will soon find yourself smiling and enjoying peace of mind and glowing, healthy self-esteem.

Mother In Law Abuse - What You Can Do About It

Women and men both commit, and are victims of, crimes but are their perspectives, understandings and interpretations of crime (either as victim or perpetrator likely to be different)? How and why - or even if - is a matter of debate; theorising on these matters is difficult depending on the perspective of the researcher.

Men and women also commit violence but their motivations are likely to be different; men may do so to assert their dominance over a situation, a territory, or person; to ensure that their masculinity is not in doubt. Women may do so in defence of their children, themselves, family, friends and perhaps even their property. However, if women are becoming as violent as men for the same reasons as men, does this mean we are moving in a direction which is irreversible? Would such a trend, if it truly existed, necessarily be a perilous one? More importantly, why does the notion of women becoming violent (or becoming more violent) cause such consternation in society whilst violence by, and towards, men is accepted as part of their masculinity?

Women are statistically less likely to commit crimes, particularly crimes of violence; however, numbers of women being arrested, cautioned and imprisoned for violent offences are rising. Media reports and government statistics all appear to show that women are increasingly involved in crime, particularly violent crime. In England and Wales, the number of females in custody was 4,445 (24 November 2006) with the highest number being attributed to drugs offences whilst violence was second. In Scotland, the figure was 326 (24 November 2006), though ambiguous as it does not specify the gender of (i) 'lifers' who have been recalled (ii) those convicted but awaiting sentence/deportation (iii) those under sixteen years of age. Williams states that, in a nine year period, there was a rise of 140% for female offenders incarcerated (1993-2001) despite the fact that offending rates remained relatively stable. In the United States, figures show that although incarceration rates were rising, violent offences by women were going in the opposite direction; women's involvement in violent offences showed a minimal rise (from 10.8% to 12.3%). This may, however, be reflective of changes in recording, prosecuting and incarcerating female offenders rather than any actual increase in the rate of female offending itself.

Violence is often fuelled by substance abuse, via alcohol or drugs or both and this is the case both for men and women. Males perpetrate the highest numbers of crimes, violent or otherwise, and they also account for the highest number of victims of violent assaults; women, however, as perpetrators of violent crimes in particular are on the however women are apparently working hard to catch up. Certainly, the media portrays young women as being 'as bad as boys' when it comes to violence, particularly when fuelled by alcohol; city centres across the UK have a large problem with violence but this is possibly due to an increasing culture of binge-drinking. Indeed, as recently as December 2006, reports of violence fuelled by alcohol were in the news again; this time, however, the focus was not the violence as such, but that the perpetrators of the violence were female.

A BBC article quotes Dr Jon Cole of Liverpool University who believes that, whilst it does not cause aggression, alcohol stops sensible choices being made "You make the easiest choice, which is often aggression". The same article refers to a study by The Glasgow Centre for the Study of Violence which showed that women were involved in almost half of all the pub fights observed. Further, medical research shows that testosterone levels in women rise by fifty percent in females, but is lower in males when they become drunk.

Violence however is a term which can be interpreted in many ways: one particular study shows females' understanding and interpretation of violence is unusual (see Burman below). There are accepted definitions of violence or aggression: crime is "an action which constitutes a serious offence against an individual or...state..."; violence: "behaviour involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill; strength of emotion or of a destructive natural force". Aggression: "hostile or violent behaviour or attitudes; the act of attacking without provocation...".

In the study undertaken by Burman et al, verbal abuse and the spreading of rumours was seen as 'violent' or more aggressive than physical violence (such as being punched). If verbal, rather than physical, violence causes more concern girls, should we take this as an indication that girls consider violence to be a psychological rather than physical problem? Why do some girls have a greater fear of violence which is spoken whilst most people, and particularly boys, are more inclined to class violence as a physical assault?

Fear of violence is often more potent as it is the 'unknown'; the precise time and place of being the recipient of violence is unknown with domestic violence victims, but they are kept on alert because they know it is going to occur at some point. However, from a legal point of view, violence and violent crime, is where physical injury is inflicted and only in recent years was psychological trauma accepted as a 'violent offence' (see Protection from Harassment Act 1997).

Given the low numbers of women who offend, both historically and in recent times, it is unsurprising that studies into female criminality were either ignored or undertaken in relation to their interaction with, and response to, male violence and criminality. It is also unsurprising that female criminologists found the need to fill this gap. In the past, women were classified into two types: mad or bad. Most female offenders convicted of violent crimes were seen as women who fought back against domestic violence or who protected their children; others were considered 'evil' and historically, were considered witches or concubines of the devil. We may now have a better understanding of criminality, but this has not stopped the 'bad' or 'mad' viewpoint from being represented by the media, the public and in some quarters of the criminal justice system when females are involved.

Women are viewed as more deviant than their male counterparts as they have not only offended against the criminal code but also against social convention. Whereas social rules and convention have changed over time, women are still considered to be mothers, wives, lovers and workers but not offenders; rarely do we expect women to commit violent offences. Those who do are vilified for years possibly serving longer terms than male counterparts, particularly when they offend against those they are supposed to protect.

Myra Hindley and Beverley Allit both murdered children; Allit did so as a nurse so could be again seen as doubly deviant as her occupation - as well as her gendered role - was one of carer.
It is difficult of course to do a proper comparative analysis without knowing the details of the 'violence against the person' offences committed by both men and women. There are a number of 'assaults' committed by women which may well not have been prosecuted had they been committed by men; it is impossible to say without knowing more about both the offence and the offender (regardless of gender). Obtaining goods for sale (to provide money to pay bills/food) or obtaining goods - such as shoplifting food/clothing is more common among female offenders than males. Analysis of current statistics shows that the highest number of female offenders committed 'drugs offences' with the second highest being for 'violence against the person' followed by 'theft and handling'. For many, women who commit violence do so mainly in self-defence or protection of a child; females are not seen as inherently violent. But is this perception false or misleading?

Most studies of the culture and phenomenon of gangs tend to focus on males (though some do mention 'girl gangs' or girls in gangs as a peripheral but distinctly intricate part of a predominantly male gang). However, a problem arises which is twofold: firstly and perhaps obviously, not all female offenders - violent or otherwise - are in gangs. Secondly, there is a danger that the study will produce results more likely to provide an insight into gang culture rather than any comparative study of female and male criminality.
Current statistics show the highest number of female offenders committed 'drugs offences' with the second highest for 'violence against the person' followed by 'theft and handling'. For many, women who commit violence do so mainly in self-defence or protection of a child; females are not seen as inherently violent. But is this perception false?

One of the possible reasons behind women committing fewer 'serious' offences could be their role as mother/carer. Given that a large proportion of children are either brought up by single mothers or by mothers due to fathers working longer hours (or being the sole breadwinner) women generally have the main, if not sole, responsibility for child rearing. Therefore, the ability for women commit crimes - unless they left their children elsewhere, or were childless - was severely restricted. The risk of being caught and sent to prison - and violent offences generally attract higher tariffs - meant that any benefit of committing a crime seemed unattractive. Of course, this assumes that women who commit offences chose to do so for pragmatic/rational reasons; classicists will be jumping for joy!

In terms of victimisation, women are largely accountable for rape or other sexual assaults but even here the amount of disproportionate statistical analysis is difficult given that male rape and male sexual assault is under-reported and (in some countries) legally ignored. Stigma attached to victims of sexual assault is horrendous for female victims but this is more so when victims are male. This is largely due to men being perceived as (i) the aggressors or (ii) physically able to fight off an assault.

In England and Wales, legislation is quite specific in terms of the crime of rape in that a penis must be inserted into either a vagina or the anal passage (or mouth); so whilst a victim may be either male or female, the perpetrator must be male. In Scots law, the act of rape can only be committed by a man on a woman; male on male sexual assault is just that - sexual/indecent assault but not rape. Where victim and perpetrator are one and the same (e.g. an abused wife retaliates against her husband) there are inconsistencies between the genders. According to CEDAW, women are more likely to 'to be killed than to kill' but the legal system discriminates; women who kill their [often abusive] husbands are convicted of murder whilst men who kill their wives are convicted of manslaughter. Thus, if convicted of murder which women are, the only sentence available is life; even when convicted of murder, men and women are still treated differently with tariffs higher for women than men.

Male perpetrators may be more selfish in their approach to crimes; committing offences which are directly of benefit and which give an immediate sense of gain. In violence, men use violence as a first, rather than last resort, as it on two levels it gets them what they want: the first is the object of their attention, the second is status and self-belief in their own ability. Violence for many men seems to be a way to [re]assert their masculinity. Violence committed by women - on the whole - appears to be a last resort; there was no other way to get either in or out of a situation and thus violence was used.
Of course, there are criminal couples: men and women who work together - though not necessarily in harmony - to make financial and other gains. Prostitutes have for many years used (and been used by) male pimps. The men offer protection, security from harassment whether this is from other working women, volatile clients and other pimps who want to 'muscle in' on the money earned by the prostitute.

The pimp will use violence as a means of asserting his status has being in control of both the woman and the environment within which they work. Of course, the prostitute herself is committing a criminal offence in soliciting on the street and may herself use violence against her client and other working women. The implied consent that women give to men who pimp them is that violence is acceptable: they will not want nor like the violence used against them but most accept it as part of their lives and also want the volatility of the pimp to be known to others as a way of protecting themselves from other females and clients.

Theorising about the motivations which drive offenders, male and female, tends to mean that we encapsulate whole groups of people by defining them on the basis of individual psycho-social profiles. This may be applicable for instances where groups commit crimes on a large scale, over periods of time, such as ethnic cleansing (which often entails the mass slaughter of males and systematic rape and impregnation of females - as seen in Bosnia for example).

Of course, systematic rape of females - and occasionally males - is a form of violence often used by groups of individuals sanctioned by the state (as seen in war situations) and also individuals in a domestic setting (the husband who forces his wife, girlfriend, etc.) and sexual violence is almost unique in that women - particularly in Scots' Law - are not convicted of rape. There are cases where accomplice of facilitation of rape is conducted by a female against another female but these tend to be rare. One example would be the sexual abuse of young women by Fred West who raped and abused women with his wife; even here, however, the case showed that Fred West has systematically abused his wife and thus she may have complied and committed these acts to reduce her own victimisation.

Crime in general, whether violent or otherwise, may be more easily identifiable as a male characteristic in society rather than female simply because of historical social conventions. Women had to care for their homes and families; opportunities for women to offend were minimal in that they had limited access to places which would allow them to commit crimes. Men, on the other hand, were often the workers, the drinkers, the socialisers (women entertained their friends, but this was often in homes rather than public houses, etc.) and thus opportunity was greater for them. If nothing else, in historical times, the clothing a woman wore would make burglary (e.g. entering a house via a window and then removing goods) quite difficult though perhaps not impossible! Even in more recent times, women were seen to steal for 'good' rather than 'bad' reasons: they stole food from supermarkets rather than goods to be sold for hard cash.

Those who were caught may cry and reduce themselves to the 'helpless desperate female' and an invariably male security guard or store manager, may find himself torn between chivalry or sympathy towards the woman and his job. If a man was caught in the same act of theft, it is possible that (if denial did not work) then aggression would result in a negative reaction from staff and thus prosecutions of males were more likely.

Given that males generally appear to be more confrontational - and this may be anthropological in origin - whereas woman appear to take the path of least resistance, it is possible that perpetrators of crimes (particularly non-violent crimes) are likely to find that their gender reflects their culpability in the eyes of the law and any enforcement officers.

Over the last few years, and in particular in relation to younger offenders, females are less likely to be able to use their gender to escape punishment (though there may be some instances were this still applies, for instance speeding in cars). Whereas historically women might have been viewed as immoral, but not necessarily criminal, recent years have seen a shift so that they are not only immoral but most definitely criminal and thus should be treated equally by the criminal justice system. Inevitably, however, the public will view the criminal female as more criminal or more deviant than her male counterpart.

Women may also have a more pragmatic approach to criminal activity, violent or otherwise. It might be that they are more careful about exposing themselves to temptation for certain crimes (such as theft, fraud, etc.) or are so careful that they may go undetected. Men may well approach crime with a more arrogant attitude and feel their ability to escape detection is greater than male or female counterparts.
What theories therefore can be applied, if any whether partially or wholly, to violence and the men and the women who use it? It is difficult to state which 'criminological theory' can actually be applied completely to criminality without being considered either aligned to one discourse or another even if the intention is to avoid this. It may be impossible to apply the same theories of criminality for men and women given that attempts thus far have failed to provide any conclusive answer into the causation of criminality in female or male crimes.

The problem with analysing the comparison between male and female offenders is that whilst their motives might appear different, this is not necessarily the case. Influences such as biology, psychology, economic and education as well as society in general will have an impact on each individual's behaviour and their understanding of what is acceptable. Violence is so often used as a means for dispute resolution - particularly in the younger generation - that we may be on an irreversible path.

As seems common within criminology, in order to explain criminality, attempts are made to encompass causation with one particular ideal or theory; it is due to this attempt to treat theories as mutually exclusive which results in failure.

Women are different in terms of their responses to crime and in particular violence, their use of violence against others and their understanding of violence and crime in general. Women have been dominated for so long and now they choose to fight back, they are regarded as more dangerous. They are altering perceptions held over a long period of time; that is not to say women will turn into Amazonian women ready to dominate the world and make men submissive creatures! However, if we - as women - want equality, it seems we have to fight twice as hard (even if that fight turns physical).

The criminal justice system now deals with far more women offenders than previous decades, but this is also likely to be in part attributable to the medicalisation of female offenders in the past. Now that this is no longer the case, women are identified as criminal not [mentally] ill and thus greater numbers are being included in criminal offending statistics. Greater reporting to the police, due to insurance requirements among other things, means that whereas those offences which may have been overlooked for being petty no longer are treated as inconsequential.

Whether one looks at the lack of implementation of equality for women, or whether men's masculinity is eroded by women's empowerment, whether abuse victims abuse others so they can gain control and power over another, many individuals commit crimes for reasons understood only by them - and perhaps not even then. Theories of crime, causation and criminality will be at ever increasing odds as elements of classicism, positivism, strain theory or a 'pick-and-mix' approach to all three are rejuvenated depending on the year or decade.

Advances in sciences (natural and social) may also play a part in the future of how criminality is considered; genetic or even social predisposition for criminality is not something which is seen on the movie screen, it is a reality which will be hitting us very soon if indeed it has not already done so.
Indeed, September 2006 saw the Labour Government publish their plans to improve families' potential for achievement by the possible local or even governmental intervention for 'problem families'. Critics were reported as fearing that the Government was entering the dangerous field of eugenics (so fatally but effectively seen during the Holocaust) or by creating ASBOs for children who were yet to be born on the basis of their parents' socio-economic status.

Where does this leave the field of criminology? Governments may look to criminologists and other social scientists to address the question of crime and criminality and causes thereof but they may give limited terms of reference for research projects.

Criminology seeks to provide a definitive, exact answer to an inexact and (at times) inexplicable question: why do people (whether male or female) commit crime? Perhaps this is its failure and why, despite a growth of writers on the matter, nobody has arrived at an answer (which I argue is not possible in any event). Sociological, economical, psychological and biological factors all have to be considered and taken into account when dealing with any offender, male or female. Many treat criminal causation theories as mutually exclusive.

Criminological theory - even when considering all the elements therein - seeks to find a definitive answer where it is likely that none exist. Lack of a definitive answer, however, does not necessarily mean criminology has failed; it needs to evolve again. Perhaps for criminological theory, answers to questions are as fluid as the times in which they are considered. Evolution of criminology and the theories therein mean criminologists will have to choose the most logical and pragmatic elements, and discard elements which are obviously flawed (whether in whole or in part). This may be the way forward.

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Bibliography
"Textbook on Criminology" Fifth Edition. Williams, K: Published by Oxford University Press: 2004
"Race, Gender & Class in Criminology: The Intersections". Edited by Milovanovic D & Schwartz M D Published by Garland Publishing in 1996. Chapter 7: "Sentencing Women to Prison" by Chesney-Lind, M

Concise Oxford English Dictionary: 11th Ed. Revised. Oxford University Press (2006).
"'Taking It To Heart': Girls and the meanings of violence.' The Meanings of Violence" Burman, M, Brown, J & Batchelor, S. Published by Routledge in 2003.

England & Wales Official Prison Statistics: HM Prison Service: October 2006 Official Population Figures
Sexual Offences Act 1956; Criminal Justice & Public Order Act 1994; Sexual Offences Act 2003. Produced by HMSO.

"Violence Against Women in the UK" Kelly, L; Humphreys C; Sen, P & Womankind Worldwide. CEDAW Thematic Shadow Report. Published in 2003.

BBC News Website: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/5312928.stm dated 5th September 2006
BBC News Online Magazine: 'On The Lash' by Megan Lane & Tomiko Newson (see link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6213686.stm) dated 8th September 2006.

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