Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,Domestic Violence Definition South Africa in South Africa . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.
What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?
Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.
Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Domestic Violence On Men . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:
•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.
Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.
Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and How To Report Domestic Violence .
Domestic Violence Definition South Africa in South Africa ?
When the economy dips, domestic violence often increases, affecting your workplace. This is the first of two articles on preventing DV from hitting your office.
A proactive approach to domestic violence should include designing and implementing a specific domestic violence in the workplace policy. This will not only protect your organization from liability, it will protect your employees, and help victims of domestic abuse feel supported.
Your policy should, at a minimum:
- Mitigate the effects of domestic violence in the workplace by providing victims with a link to community resources that offer counseling and advocacy. (Your organization is not required to do this itself.)
- Heighten awareness about domestic violence among all employees.
- Address issues related to the need for time off and security.
- Design an appropriate workplace safety plan, including resources, materials, and training or educational programs, as needed or as funds and time permit.
- Establish links between your organization and the local domestic violence advocacy community.
- Review existing employment policies and manuals to ensure that the domestic violence policy and program make sense in the organization's culture and environment.
- Review your EAP's policies and identify those providers who possess the requisite knowledge and experience to identify and respond appropriately to domestic violence.
- Establish and train an internal Domestic Violence Response Team, composed of designated managers, supervisors, and employees identified as the "go-to-team". Ensuring that your policy complies with the applicable laws in every jurisdiction in which it conducts business.
There are a number of security measures you can take to protect both the victim of domestic violence and all your employees. These procedures will also add protection in the case of a disgruntled former employee seeking to harm the past employer.
Imperative for the Targeted Individual:
- Consider adjusting parking and office situations (is she in an office with a window on the street; or is her office far from the main cluster?)
- Arrange for a security escort to and from buildings.
- Give temporary assignments if possible, so employees can leave on short notice if necessary.
- Be sure she knows what she can and should do if the abuser comes to work.
- Attempt to prevent gossip about an abused individual's situation
- If she has a protection order, be sure security guards and the front desk have a copy, as well as a photo of the individual.
- Help her develop a safety plan (Legal Momentum Organization website has some examples.)
- Minimal security against unauthorized persons (check-in or badges help.)
- Provide informational pamphlets in private places, like restrooms.
- Establish staggered, flexible work hours.
- Raise awareness: Use posters during October (Domestic Violence Awareness Month); organize clothes or toy drives for battered women's shelters; or otherwise connect with the anti-DV community to let employees know you care.
- Increase sensitivity: Provide training for managers, and for the DV contact team-- about how to recognize the signs of domestic violence in their staff and how to discuss the workplace policies around the issue.
- Educate: Employee training, brown bag seminars, newsletter articles, and brochures on domestic violence all create an environment where it is safe to talk about domestic violence.
Abuse and Its Effects on Self-Esteem and Positive Identity
Must be addicted to all this pain,
cause I keep coming back for the shame.
~Toni Childs, I've Got to Go Now, (1991).
This is a hard subject to talk about, always. It involves such weighty portions of shame and guilt for those who are afflicted, or possibly also for those who've been afflicted. I even ask myself if it's appropriate to write about it, in the present forum, and I suppose that because I often ponder the hard things of life, it is okay. My prayer is that it might help.
The subject is domestic violence, often precipitated by substance abuse or addiction. There is a cause-and-effect relationship at play here. The substance is the cause - initiating or compelling the behaviour; the violence is the effect.
Childs' song captures the essence of this topic with a most crippling and pain-enriched beauty. Sadly, whilst the addict is addicted to the substance, the co-dependent spouse is addicted to the pain, as they keep coming back.
This is an eternal conundrum for the family, the co-dependent spouse and the violent protagonist. It's a cycle of misery that never ends-until it does... i.e., end.
It is sad that, for many a family unit, there must be such an outcome. This is most poignantly so where things have been tried, again and again, yet there's no getting past it. Things don't change, oftentimes, until they do.
Tackling the Impossibility
Anyone in these circumstances can be forgiven for thinking they're in an impossible situation. Let's make no bones about it; what is untenable and insane is not 'fixed' quickly whatever we do.
But a relative wisdom - one requiring the courage of a rigorously continuous honesty - can be the vehicle to a better existence, especially for those truly dependent. This usually means the children entrapped beyond their will. Theirs is the oft-silent voice, but we know their pain.
Courage, the trust of our instincts, and the consideration of trustworthy advice... these three in unison, generally, will serve us well, always.
When the "ENOUGH!" point is reached, continue with your conviction, unless there's good, sustained evidence of a miracle - for any watering down of intent will further convolute an impossible situation.
Copyright (c) 2010 S. J. Wickham.