What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge South Africa

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in South Africa . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

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What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Domestic Violence Helpline . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

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Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

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Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence Hotline In .

What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in South Africa ?

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I stopped by the house; my friend was crying. Her tears not from pain. They were tears of bitterness, humiliation, disbelief. She rubbed her shoulder as she wept; she couldn't look at me. Her husband had hit her again.

She wouldn't call the police; there was no point. When she did there was little they could do without a court order or visible marks of assault. He was long gone anyway. The children had witnessed his rage against her as usual. Watching their father beat their mother cut the remnants of their innocence to shreds. The eldest teenage son was torn between wanting to protect her and knowing that in his anger his father would beat him senseless if he tried. The neighbors, when they finally heard of the problems believed her husband's story not hers; he was such a decent guy, he could never act like that.

There's a reply that follows many domestic violence incidents that has become a cliché, when the victim is asked why she is staying with her attacker; 'because I love him.'

As I explained to my friend, her husband did not love her. There were a hundred 'buts' in response but they fell on deaf ears. I could only advise, 'leave...today.' It was up to her. In the end she did leave him and never looked back. She had a happy-ever-after story but many don't.

Domestic violence can follow a predictable pattern and it's progressive. It can start with shouting, threats, broken objects, punched walls. It moves to a push, a blocked doorway. A punch, a twisted arm, a black eye. Sexual abuse. Right up to death. The progression is no guarantee, at times it starts with death - by choking, gunshot, being thrown out the window, pushed from a moving car.

Where it stops depends not on the abuser but on the person being abused. That ability to put an end to it implies a responsibility to face what is happening and to make it stop. All the more urgent when children are involved.

People look for a cause for the abusers actions, as if that will change it. Alcohol, drugs, poverty don't cause it - they exacerbate it. If you're a batterer, you're a psychopath in need of treatment or jail. Just not at the expense of using someone as a punching bag as a gateway to treatment. You know it already. You're also a coward. Post-battering remorse, pleading "I'm sorry," means nothing. Empty words.

A good rule of thumb. The first time he or she hits you, leave. It's better live in a car with your kids than to live for a moment with someone who can defile or hurt you. They will eventually kill you, emotionally if not physically.

Victims give batterers permission to hurt them. Not the first time of course; certainly the second time.

It's done by not leaving after the first time; by not blowing the batterers brains out when they raise a hand to you or your kids; by not calling the police and filing a complaint that leads to an arrest.

Change starts with the victim. Change starts with you.

Mental Abuse - The 7 Most Important Things To Know

Domestic/family abuse can have many forms, including physical violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, intimidation, economic deprivation, and threats of violence. Abuse is typically progressive; oftentimes emotional and psychological abuse is a precursor for violent and criminal forms. According to the US Department of Justice's 2005 Family Violence Statistics report, family violence accounted for 11% of all reported and unreported violence between 1998 and 2002, totaling a staggering 3.5 million violent crimes. The report indicates 49% were crimes against spouses, 11% were sons or daughters victimized by a parent, and 41% were crimes against other family members.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate, it occurs in all cultures; people of all races, ethnicities, religions, sexes and classes can be perpetrators or victims of this violence. Yet, research indicates that certain demographics and subgroups are more prominent as victims and as offenders. For example, according to the American Medical Association, as many as 1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime as compared to 15% of victims being men.

With family violence also comes the intergenerational cycle of violence. In 1 in 3 domestic violence incidents, the victims had children in common with the offender, and in 1 in 4 incidents, there were multiple victims. Children and youth exposed to violence are likely to develop behavioral problems, such as regressing, exhibiting out of control behavior, and other behaviors that mirror those which they were exposed. Unfortunately, this cycle produces children who may think that violence is an acceptable behavior of intimate relationships and thus, become either the abused or the abuser. An estimated 1/5 to 1/3 of teen-aged youth subject to viewing domestic violence situations experience teen dating and intimate partner violence, regularly abusing or being abused by their partners verbally, mentally, emotionally, sexually and/or physically. Hence, the average age of the abused and the abuser as it relates to juvenile domestic violence is 16. Family violence research indicates that juvenile domestic violence offenders are more likely to be male; approximately 90% of this violence is targeted towards women. If not prevented or addressed, youth continue the cycle into adulthood; 30-50% of dating relationships can exhibit the same cycle of escalating violence in their marital relationships.

This cycle must be broken. One solution is to address the significant need for family violence abuse prevention and intervention treatment specifically targeting violence and abuse saturated areas. Thankfully there are several organizations with this mission in mind as well as funding available to aid this undertaking, giving hope for domestic violence reduction in our future.

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https://www.lizandzol.co.za/2018-5/

Stop Abuse Have What Are The Causes Of Domestic Violence List

What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge South Africa

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in South Africa . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

[lsup_image_30]

What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Domestic Violence Organisation . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

[lsup_image_24] 

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

[lsup_image_46]

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence On Women .

What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in South Africa ?

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Have you ever experienced sexual abuse? Do you know that the negative experience you had may still be affecting you in the present?

In my practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I discovered that many women, and even some men, experienced sexual abuse. As I counseled the clients, they became aware of the negative decisions they had made from their sexual exploitation. In fact, many years later those painful thoughts were still affecting their lives in negative ways.

Some of the symptoms that it still influenced their lives were low self-esteem, avoiding dating, struggling in their relationships, not enjoying their sexuality, hiding their physical beauty, shyness, and doing everything to please others.

I included 14 hurtful thoughts that caused the above symptoms that I heard from many of the clients of all ages. Can you relate to any of them?

14 Negative decisions based on sexual abuse include:

1) I feel shame.
2) I am bad and dirty.
3) I am not safe in the world.
4) I can't trust men not to hurt me.
5) My parent or parents betrayed me because they did not protect me.
6) I can't trust people I love to be there for me.
7) I should have stopped it.
8) Sex is painful, dirty and wrong.
9) Men want me only for my body.
10) I feel guilty because it felt good.
11) I feel different than others; I am an outsider.
12) I have to hide my secret so people do not judge me.
13) I have to do what others want me to or I am not safe or loved.
14) It is not safe for me to get attention from men.

For example, Susan was molested by her father. As a result, she hated men and that affected all her relationships with the opposite sex. She also was very cute, free- spirited and loving as a child and that is when her father started to molest her. Her decision was many of the above negative beliefs, as well as it is not safe to be free, happy and shine. She just did what people wanted to stay safe. Her self-esteem was very low and that affected her social interactions and professional success. To stuff her pain, she overate and was obese.

Her mother knew but did nothing to protect Susan. (Mothers often cannot deal with the rejection so they deny it, and may also be afraid of their partners.) To help Susan, I suggested that she imagine her mother in front of her and say, "You did the best you could with the information you had, I forgive you."

Then I helped Susan release the other negative thoughts based on her negative experiences, and she felt much better, began speaking up for herself, and her relationship improved.

By the way, sexual abuse is one major cause of weight issues. Nancy told me that whenever she was thin, men made sexual comments and she did not feel safe. The weight is her wall of protection. "Helene, she said, "I have to make myself unattractive with my unattractive hairstyle, baggy clothes, and fat, for the men to leave me alone!"

Can you relate to Susan or Nancy? If you do, it would be very beneficial to release those hurtful decisions, so that you can enjoy a healthy and happy life.

Does Violence Begins at Home?

Why do domestic abuse victims assume responsibility for the battering behavior in abusive relationships? Easy answer...because it is their "Job."

Now, I'm not being flipped here; I'm being honest and direct. Domestic abuse victims know that it is their role in the relationship to shoulder the blame for the relationship discord, and that includes the batterer's physical, verbal and emotional abuse toward them. It's part of the territory of what keeps the abuse dynamic intact.

The victim's assuming responsibility for the battering is both expected by the abuser and by the abused. The only people stunned by this action are the individuals looking in who are unfamiliar with the dynamics of abusive relationships.

Responsibility and Domestic Violence Victims

It can be anything from becoming accountable for their own injuries in a domestic assault, to sucking up ownership for something they themselves were not even a party to...or even paying the penalty for a crime they did not commit.

When engaged in the dynamics of an abusive relationship, it's not a matter of right or wrong, or even who did what. Instead, it has to do with keeping peace.

The abused may very well believe in their own innocence, yet they know from experience that owning fault buys "promise" for a reprieve of peace. The abuser declares continuous battering until victim ownership is "properly" assumed. And this is what keeps the abuse dynamic going.

Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Abuse

Conversely, the key to breaking the cycle of abuse is the abused forfeiting responsibility for the battering behavior. The moment she/he stops becoming accountable for the perpetrator's actions, feelings and beliefs, the relationship dynamics shift. A window opens up wherein the abused is then free to be responsible for their own experience.

This one shift is a major cornerstone in breaking the cycle of domestic violence. Given this, do you see the power that the victim has in maintaining and/or breaking the cycle of abuse?

If you are in an abusive relationship and find yourself at the mercy of your partner demanding your accountability for the abuse, ask yourself if your ownership of the blame beings true peace or continues the war.

Going back to our opening question titling this article: "Who is responsible for the domestic abuse in battering relationships?"...Both of the parties are responsible for maintaining the abuse dynamic. And, most importantly, each party is only responsible for their own individual actions, feelings and beliefs.

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https://www.lizandzol.co.za/south-africa-6/

Stop Abuse Have The Nurse Is Assessing An Elderly Woman And Suspects Abuse List

What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge 2018

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in 2018 . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

[lsup_image_30]

What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Report Animal Abuse Near Me . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

[lsup_image_24] 

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

[lsup_image_46]

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence Help .

What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in 2018 ?

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Domestic Violence: Victims of Domestic Violence

If you are a victim of domestic violence or if you know someone who is a victim of domestic violence you may not know what to do in this situation. If it is an emergency you may want to consider calling 911. If you feel trapped in an abusive relationship that involves domestic violence, know that there are many ways to get away from domestic violence. Here are some ideas for victims of domestic violence that are worth exploring.

First you may want to consider a way to get away from the abuser and perpetrator of domestic violence. Right from the first domestic violence act, you may want to consider leaving the place that you share with the aggressor. Whether it is the first act of domestic violence or not it is much safer to get away from the abuser and find another place to stay. Too often, victims of domestic violence are afraid of leaving his/her place of residence resulting in more abuse by the perpetrator of domestic violence.

If you are a victim of domestic violence you may also want to consider obtaining some external help such as requesting assistance from the police or local law enforcement. If you are in need of legal advice, you will want to consult an attorney. You may also wish to consider contacting a friend or a neighbor to get away from the situation rather than try to get trough it alone. Sadly, victims of domestic violence, who are in a very vulnerable situation, will often be persuaded from attempting to obtain help. External assistance is often very critical to help keep the victim of domestic violence protected.

Local police officers and sheriffs are often trained to handle domestic violence cases and can be extremely helpful to the victim of domestic violence. Additionally, law enforcement personnel or city attorneys can provide victims with helpful information related to domestic violence or provide referrals to other local assistance centers such as emergency shelters or safe houses. There are also many local group activities on domestic violence for women which can provide counseling and legal assistance to women.

Another consideration would be to obtain a temporary or long-term restraining order in order to stop the domestic violence. A protective order generally provides that the abuser or perpetrator of domestic violence be restrained from having any form of contact with the victim, has to move out from the residence shared with the protected person, and should stay at least 100 yards away from the protected person at all times. If any children or family members live in the same place, they may also be included in the category of protected persons.

Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence whether you are rich or poor and whatever your background, such as a school drop-out or university graduate. Therefore it is essential to know how to get help with a domestic violence situation for your own health and safety as well as the health and safety of those close to you. If you are seeking legal advice regarding domestic violence and protective orders, you will want to consult an attorney in your jurisdiction.

© 2006 Child Custody Coach

Child Abuse - What Are The Causes and Effects?

To effectively fight domestic violence one must know the causes of domestic violence. And the first step toward knowing that is knowing what they are not.

It is not love, beauty, romance or sexuality. The sexless Puritans are highly violent toward their wives; the unattractive women are just as subject to violence as the attractive ones; and in cultures, such as India and Middle East, that have forbidden romantic love and where marriages are arranged, the violence is worse.

It is not low self-esteem. There are plenty of self-confident football types who are brutal toward their wives and plenty of shy guys who aren't.

It is not personality disorders. Not only are there many cultures in the world where violence against wives is the social norm, but there are in fact cultures in the world that think there's something wrong with the man if he is not violent toward his wife.

It is not thinking oneself a victim. There are plenty of take-charge business and military types who are severely violent toward their wives.

So what are the causes of domestic violence? The best way to ascertain that is to look at cultures in which it is the norm and compare them to cultures in which it isn't. And again and again, the answer is this: The beliefs that encourage domestic violence.

Beliefs such as:

That women are evil;
That man must be head of the family;
That masculinity means controlling the woman;
That women are "sluts," "bitches" or "whores";
That women are exploiters of men;
That women are responsible for the world's suffering;
That women should be second-class citizens and put up and shut up.

Unlike what many in psychology believe, the way one treats the other person is based, not on what one thinks about oneself, but of what one thinks about the other person. So if one has good self-esteem and thinks well about oneself but thinks badly about the other person, then one would not be good to the other person, and no amount of raising one's own self-esteem will alter that. Men's treatment of women is a result, not of what they believe about themselves, but of what they believe about women - either women in general, or about the particular woman with which they share their lives.

Furthermore, unlike what many in psychology believe, it is people's conscious convictions that determine a vast chunk of their decisions. Looking historically we see the vast extent to which people's conscious convictions charted the course of history. And now, as ugly misogynistic beliefs have become more and more prevalent, surprise surprise - we are seeing a vast rise in violence against women, even though we have not seen noticeable changes in men's self-esteem or in the number of people with personality disorders.

And it is only by addressing and changing these ugly beliefs that actually do cause domestic violence, instead of wasting everyone's time on things that don't, that it will finally become possible to do something effective about domestic violence.

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https://www.lizandzol.co.za/2018-7/

Stop Abuse Have The Cycle Of Domestic Violence List