Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Happens When You Call The Police For Domestic Violence in South Africa . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.
What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?
Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.
Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Domestic Violence Emotional Abuse . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:
•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.
Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.
Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence Helpline .
What Happens When You Call The Police For Domestic Violence in South Africa ?
Domestic Violence: Victims of Domestic Violence
If you are a victim of domestic violence or if you know someone who is a victim of domestic violence you may not know what to do in this situation. If it is an emergency you may want to consider calling 911. If you feel trapped in an abusive relationship that involves domestic violence, know that there are many ways to get away from domestic violence. Here are some ideas for victims of domestic violence that are worth exploring.
First you may want to consider a way to get away from the abuser and perpetrator of domestic violence. Right from the first domestic violence act, you may want to consider leaving the place that you share with the aggressor. Whether it is the first act of domestic violence or not it is much safer to get away from the abuser and find another place to stay. Too often, victims of domestic violence are afraid of leaving his/her place of residence resulting in more abuse by the perpetrator of domestic violence.
If you are a victim of domestic violence you may also want to consider obtaining some external help such as requesting assistance from the police or local law enforcement. If you are in need of legal advice, you will want to consult an attorney. You may also wish to consider contacting a friend or a neighbor to get away from the situation rather than try to get trough it alone. Sadly, victims of domestic violence, who are in a very vulnerable situation, will often be persuaded from attempting to obtain help. External assistance is often very critical to help keep the victim of domestic violence protected.
Local police officers and sheriffs are often trained to handle domestic violence cases and can be extremely helpful to the victim of domestic violence. Additionally, law enforcement personnel or city attorneys can provide victims with helpful information related to domestic violence or provide referrals to other local assistance centers such as emergency shelters or safe houses. There are also many local group activities on domestic violence for women which can provide counseling and legal assistance to women.
Another consideration would be to obtain a temporary or long-term restraining order in order to stop the domestic violence. A protective order generally provides that the abuser or perpetrator of domestic violence be restrained from having any form of contact with the victim, has to move out from the residence shared with the protected person, and should stay at least 100 yards away from the protected person at all times. If any children or family members live in the same place, they may also be included in the category of protected persons.
Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence whether you are rich or poor and whatever your background, such as a school drop-out or university graduate. Therefore it is essential to know how to get help with a domestic violence situation for your own health and safety as well as the health and safety of those close to you. If you are seeking legal advice regarding domestic violence and protective orders, you will want to consult an attorney in your jurisdiction.
© 2006 Child Custody Coach
Domestic Violence - Is It The First Cut is the Deepest?
Must be addicted to all this pain,
cause I keep coming back for the shame.
~Toni Childs, I've Got to Go Now, (1991).
This is a hard subject to talk about, always. It involves such weighty portions of shame and guilt for those who are afflicted, or possibly also for those who've been afflicted. I even ask myself if it's appropriate to write about it, in the present forum, and I suppose that because I often ponder the hard things of life, it is okay. My prayer is that it might help.
The subject is domestic violence, often precipitated by substance abuse or addiction. There is a cause-and-effect relationship at play here. The substance is the cause - initiating or compelling the behaviour; the violence is the effect.
Childs' song captures the essence of this topic with a most crippling and pain-enriched beauty. Sadly, whilst the addict is addicted to the substance, the co-dependent spouse is addicted to the pain, as they keep coming back.
This is an eternal conundrum for the family, the co-dependent spouse and the violent protagonist. It's a cycle of misery that never ends-until it does... i.e., end.
It is sad that, for many a family unit, there must be such an outcome. This is most poignantly so where things have been tried, again and again, yet there's no getting past it. Things don't change, oftentimes, until they do.
Tackling the Impossibility
Anyone in these circumstances can be forgiven for thinking they're in an impossible situation. Let's make no bones about it; what is untenable and insane is not 'fixed' quickly whatever we do.
But a relative wisdom - one requiring the courage of a rigorously continuous honesty - can be the vehicle to a better existence, especially for those truly dependent. This usually means the children entrapped beyond their will. Theirs is the oft-silent voice, but we know their pain.
Courage, the trust of our instincts, and the consideration of trustworthy advice... these three in unison, generally, will serve us well, always.
When the "ENOUGH!" point is reached, continue with your conviction, unless there's good, sustained evidence of a miracle - for any watering down of intent will further convolute an impossible situation.
Copyright (c) 2010 S. J. Wickham.