What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge South Africa

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in South Africa . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

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What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Domestic Violence Education . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

[lsup_image_24] 

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

[lsup_image_46]

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence Facts .

What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in South Africa ?

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I stopped by the house; my friend was crying. Her tears not from pain. They were tears of bitterness, humiliation, disbelief. She rubbed her shoulder as she wept; she couldn't look at me. Her husband had hit her again.

She wouldn't call the police; there was no point. When she did there was little they could do without a court order or visible marks of assault. He was long gone anyway. The children had witnessed his rage against her as usual. Watching their father beat their mother cut the remnants of their innocence to shreds. The eldest teenage son was torn between wanting to protect her and knowing that in his anger his father would beat him senseless if he tried. The neighbors, when they finally heard of the problems believed her husband's story not hers; he was such a decent guy, he could never act like that.

There's a reply that follows many domestic violence incidents that has become a cliché, when the victim is asked why she is staying with her attacker; 'because I love him.'

As I explained to my friend, her husband did not love her. There were a hundred 'buts' in response but they fell on deaf ears. I could only advise, 'leave...today.' It was up to her. In the end she did leave him and never looked back. She had a happy-ever-after story but many don't.

Domestic violence can follow a predictable pattern and it's progressive. It can start with shouting, threats, broken objects, punched walls. It moves to a push, a blocked doorway. A punch, a twisted arm, a black eye. Sexual abuse. Right up to death. The progression is no guarantee, at times it starts with death - by choking, gunshot, being thrown out the window, pushed from a moving car.

Where it stops depends not on the abuser but on the person being abused. That ability to put an end to it implies a responsibility to face what is happening and to make it stop. All the more urgent when children are involved.

People look for a cause for the abusers actions, as if that will change it. Alcohol, drugs, poverty don't cause it - they exacerbate it. If you're a batterer, you're a psychopath in need of treatment or jail. Just not at the expense of using someone as a punching bag as a gateway to treatment. You know it already. You're also a coward. Post-battering remorse, pleading "I'm sorry," means nothing. Empty words.

A good rule of thumb. The first time he or she hits you, leave. It's better live in a car with your kids than to live for a moment with someone who can defile or hurt you. They will eventually kill you, emotionally if not physically.

Victims give batterers permission to hurt them. Not the first time of course; certainly the second time.

It's done by not leaving after the first time; by not blowing the batterers brains out when they raise a hand to you or your kids; by not calling the police and filing a complaint that leads to an arrest.

Change starts with the victim. Change starts with you.

Victims of Narcissistic Abuse - Ways to Rebuild Your Self-Esteem

When the economy dips, domestic violence often increases, affecting your workplace. This is the first of two articles on preventing DV from hitting your office.

Workplace Policy

A proactive approach to domestic violence should include designing and implementing a specific domestic violence in the workplace policy. This will not only protect your organization from liability, it will protect your employees, and help victims of domestic abuse feel supported.

Your policy should, at a minimum:

  • Mitigate the effects of domestic violence in the workplace by providing victims with a link to community resources that offer counseling and advocacy. (Your organization is not required to do this itself.)
  • Heighten awareness about domestic violence among all employees.
  • Address issues related to the need for time off and security.
A more complete approach might:

  • Design an appropriate workplace safety plan, including resources, materials, and training or educational programs, as needed or as funds and time permit.
  • Establish links between your organization and the local domestic violence advocacy community.
  • Review existing employment policies and manuals to ensure that the domestic violence policy and program make sense in the organization's culture and environment.
  • Review your EAP's policies and identify those providers who possess the requisite knowledge and experience to identify and respond appropriately to domestic violence.
  • Establish and train an internal Domestic Violence Response Team, composed of designated managers, supervisors, and employees identified as the "go-to-team". Ensuring that your policy complies with the applicable laws in every jurisdiction in which it conducts business.
A model policy statement for employer use can be found through the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence website. Leading companies (like Verizon, Liz Claiborne, and others) have created successful programs as well.

Safety Procedures

There are a number of security measures you can take to protect both the victim of domestic violence and all your employees. These procedures will also add protection in the case of a disgruntled former employee seeking to harm the past employer.

Imperative for the Targeted Individual:

  • Consider adjusting parking and office situations (is she in an office with a window on the street; or is her office far from the main cluster?)
  • Arrange for a security escort to and from buildings.
  • Give temporary assignments if possible, so employees can leave on short notice if necessary.
  • Be sure she knows what she can and should do if the abuser comes to work.
  • Attempt to prevent gossip about an abused individual's situation
  • If she has a protection order, be sure security guards and the front desk have a copy, as well as a photo of the individual.
  • Help her develop a safety plan (Legal Momentum Organization website has some examples.)
Protecting Everyone:

  • Minimal security against unauthorized persons (check-in or badges help.)
  • Provide informational pamphlets in private places, like restrooms.
  • Establish staggered, flexible work hours.
  • Raise awareness: Use posters during October (Domestic Violence Awareness Month); organize clothes or toy drives for battered women's shelters; or otherwise connect with the anti-DV community to let employees know you care.
  • Increase sensitivity: Provide training for managers, and for the DV contact team-- about how to recognize the signs of domestic violence in their staff and how to discuss the workplace policies around the issue.
  • Educate: Employee training, brown bag seminars, newsletter articles, and brochures on domestic violence all create an environment where it is safe to talk about domestic violence.

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https://www.lizandzol.co.za/2018-5/

Stop Abuse Have What Are The Causes Of Domestic Violence List

What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge South Africa

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in South Africa . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

[lsup_image_30]

What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and Domestic Violence Near Me . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

[lsup_image_24] 

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

[lsup_image_46]

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence News Story .

What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in South Africa ?

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Most of you reading this statement, 'violence begins at home', would be shocked. But this is one unbelievable fact. No matter how hard you try to overlook this statement, it will still remain the forbidden truth. Whether you accept it or not that solely depends on your opinion. In each and every household, you must have seen that the superior member of the household the inferior member is either physically or mentally assaulted. And the victims that are being assaulted are the female.

When we see a person in an abusive relationship struggling hard to put up with the abuser, the first thing we ask is why did you stay for so long? Or why don't you leave the relationship and move on? The first thing is if you have been brought up in an abusive home and have seen abusing as the daily norms than how would you know the difference between an abusive relationship and a healthy relationship. According to statistics, about 82% of children each year witness violence at home.

This tends to have an adverse effect on the young minds which is likely to be 15% more abusive when they grow up. Relationships do not always begin with abusive. If you ask any of the victims of their relationship started, they would recount it as memorable moment. Physical violence is not necessarily the only violence; even calling names belittling you etc are also violence as it lowers your self esteem. Domestic violence in particular is responsible for the majority of deaths.

In the year 2000, about 5, 20,000 died in the act of interpersonal violence. Such is the toll of violence that in the US domestic violence accounts a quarter of the crime that is being committed every year. In an abusive relationship, 1 in every 2 women is being killed by their partner. As many as 69% of women in some countries are being assaulted by their partners in their lifetime. According to records somewhere in the world one person commits suicide every 40 seconds.

Abuse: What Causes Abuse?

Must be addicted to all this pain,
cause I keep coming back for the shame.
~Toni Childs, I've Got to Go Now, (1991).

This is a hard subject to talk about, always. It involves such weighty portions of shame and guilt for those who are afflicted, or possibly also for those who've been afflicted. I even ask myself if it's appropriate to write about it, in the present forum, and I suppose that because I often ponder the hard things of life, it is okay. My prayer is that it might help.

The subject is domestic violence, often precipitated by substance abuse or addiction. There is a cause-and-effect relationship at play here. The substance is the cause - initiating or compelling the behaviour; the violence is the effect.

Childs' song captures the essence of this topic with a most crippling and pain-enriched beauty. Sadly, whilst the addict is addicted to the substance, the co-dependent spouse is addicted to the pain, as they keep coming back.

This is an eternal conundrum for the family, the co-dependent spouse and the violent protagonist. It's a cycle of misery that never ends-until it does... i.e., end.

It is sad that, for many a family unit, there must be such an outcome. This is most poignantly so where things have been tried, again and again, yet there's no getting past it. Things don't change, oftentimes, until they do.

Tackling the Impossibility

Anyone in these circumstances can be forgiven for thinking they're in an impossible situation. Let's make no bones about it; what is untenable and insane is not 'fixed' quickly whatever we do.

But a relative wisdom - one requiring the courage of a rigorously continuous honesty - can be the vehicle to a better existence, especially for those truly dependent. This usually means the children entrapped beyond their will. Theirs is the oft-silent voice, but we know their pain.

Courage, the trust of our instincts, and the consideration of trustworthy advice... these three in unison, generally, will serve us well, always.

When the "ENOUGH!" point is reached, continue with your conviction, unless there's good, sustained evidence of a miracle - for any watering down of intent will further convolute an impossible situation.

Copyright (c) 2010 S. J. Wickham.

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https://www.lizandzol.co.za/south-africa-6/

Stop Abuse Have The Nurse Is Assessing An Elderly Woman And Suspects Abuse List

What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge 2018

Abuse isn’t just about bruises. Not all forms of abuse leave bruises where we can see them,What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in 2018 . Although physical abuse is terrifying and needs to be addressed immediately there are other forms of abuse that can cause significant damage. One type of abuse that is very difficult for outsiders to detect is financial abuse. Marriage should be a partnership but when one spouse completely dominates the finances to the point that the other spouse has no control and no options financial abuse may be occurring.

[lsup_image_30]

What Are Signs of Potential Financial Abuse?

Every married couple handles their finances differently. In some cases one spouse handles the majority of the finances. They manage the accounts, pay the bills and deal with creditors. That does not by itself equal financial abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one spouse is treated like an irresponsible child and How To Stop Domestic Violence . They are cut off from funds and their knowledge about the couple’s finances is severely limited. Some signs of financial abuse include:

•Strict Allowances. This isn’t an amount that the spouses have agreed to limit themselves to but is instead a set amount that is grudgingly handed out from one spouse to the other and is all that will be given.

[lsup_image_24] 

Documents, documents, documents. Written evidence is incredibly strong and can range from credit card bills showing that there is a credit card but that you aren’t named on it to emails from your spouse that show the financial abuse.

[lsup_image_46]

Other witnesses can be incredibly powerful on your behalf. Financial abuse is hard for people outside the relationship to detect. So when someone credible comes in and tells the judge that it is happening and they can see it the judge will listen and Domestic Violence Network .

What Happens When You Get A Domestic Violence Charge in 2018 ?

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Have you ever experienced sexual abuse? Do you know that the negative experience you had may still be affecting you in the present?

In my practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I discovered that many women, and even some men, experienced sexual abuse. As I counseled the clients, they became aware of the negative decisions they had made from their sexual exploitation. In fact, many years later those painful thoughts were still affecting their lives in negative ways.

Some of the symptoms that it still influenced their lives were low self-esteem, avoiding dating, struggling in their relationships, not enjoying their sexuality, hiding their physical beauty, shyness, and doing everything to please others.

I included 14 hurtful thoughts that caused the above symptoms that I heard from many of the clients of all ages. Can you relate to any of them?

14 Negative decisions based on sexual abuse include:

1) I feel shame.
2) I am bad and dirty.
3) I am not safe in the world.
4) I can't trust men not to hurt me.
5) My parent or parents betrayed me because they did not protect me.
6) I can't trust people I love to be there for me.
7) I should have stopped it.
8) Sex is painful, dirty and wrong.
9) Men want me only for my body.
10) I feel guilty because it felt good.
11) I feel different than others; I am an outsider.
12) I have to hide my secret so people do not judge me.
13) I have to do what others want me to or I am not safe or loved.
14) It is not safe for me to get attention from men.

For example, Susan was molested by her father. As a result, she hated men and that affected all her relationships with the opposite sex. She also was very cute, free- spirited and loving as a child and that is when her father started to molest her. Her decision was many of the above negative beliefs, as well as it is not safe to be free, happy and shine. She just did what people wanted to stay safe. Her self-esteem was very low and that affected her social interactions and professional success. To stuff her pain, she overate and was obese.

Her mother knew but did nothing to protect Susan. (Mothers often cannot deal with the rejection so they deny it, and may also be afraid of their partners.) To help Susan, I suggested that she imagine her mother in front of her and say, "You did the best you could with the information you had, I forgive you."

Then I helped Susan release the other negative thoughts based on her negative experiences, and she felt much better, began speaking up for herself, and her relationship improved.

By the way, sexual abuse is one major cause of weight issues. Nancy told me that whenever she was thin, men made sexual comments and she did not feel safe. The weight is her wall of protection. "Helene, she said, "I have to make myself unattractive with my unattractive hairstyle, baggy clothes, and fat, for the men to leave me alone!"

Can you relate to Susan or Nancy? If you do, it would be very beneficial to release those hurtful decisions, so that you can enjoy a healthy and happy life.

Domestic Abuse Help - Who Is Responsible for the Abuse in Abusive Relationships?

I stopped by the house; my friend was crying. Her tears not from pain. They were tears of bitterness, humiliation, disbelief. She rubbed her shoulder as she wept; she couldn't look at me. Her husband had hit her again.

She wouldn't call the police; there was no point. When she did there was little they could do without a court order or visible marks of assault. He was long gone anyway. The children had witnessed his rage against her as usual. Watching their father beat their mother cut the remnants of their innocence to shreds. The eldest teenage son was torn between wanting to protect her and knowing that in his anger his father would beat him senseless if he tried. The neighbors, when they finally heard of the problems believed her husband's story not hers; he was such a decent guy, he could never act like that.

There's a reply that follows many domestic violence incidents that has become a cliché, when the victim is asked why she is staying with her attacker; 'because I love him.'

As I explained to my friend, her husband did not love her. There were a hundred 'buts' in response but they fell on deaf ears. I could only advise, 'leave...today.' It was up to her. In the end she did leave him and never looked back. She had a happy-ever-after story but many don't.

Domestic violence can follow a predictable pattern and it's progressive. It can start with shouting, threats, broken objects, punched walls. It moves to a push, a blocked doorway. A punch, a twisted arm, a black eye. Sexual abuse. Right up to death. The progression is no guarantee, at times it starts with death - by choking, gunshot, being thrown out the window, pushed from a moving car.

Where it stops depends not on the abuser but on the person being abused. That ability to put an end to it implies a responsibility to face what is happening and to make it stop. All the more urgent when children are involved.

People look for a cause for the abusers actions, as if that will change it. Alcohol, drugs, poverty don't cause it - they exacerbate it. If you're a batterer, you're a psychopath in need of treatment or jail. Just not at the expense of using someone as a punching bag as a gateway to treatment. You know it already. You're also a coward. Post-battering remorse, pleading "I'm sorry," means nothing. Empty words.

A good rule of thumb. The first time he or she hits you, leave. It's better live in a car with your kids than to live for a moment with someone who can defile or hurt you. They will eventually kill you, emotionally if not physically.

Victims give batterers permission to hurt them. Not the first time of course; certainly the second time.

It's done by not leaving after the first time; by not blowing the batterers brains out when they raise a hand to you or your kids; by not calling the police and filing a complaint that leads to an arrest.

Change starts with the victim. Change starts with you.

 [lsup_image_44]


https://www.lizandzol.co.za/2018-7/

Stop Abuse Have The Cycle Of Domestic Violence List